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The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. You should write at least 150 words. Allow yourself 20 minutes v.1

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. Allow yourself 20 minutes v. 1
Technology-based means of communication are preferred to face-to-face interaction by an increasing number of both businesses and individual people in work and social contexts. Although technological advances have made communication quicker, cheaper and possible over any distance, their use is also associated with a number of drawbacks. One the one hand, communicating by means of technology is faster, because you can reach your interlocutor without having to travel to the same place. Whereas it is the case with face-to-face communication, such devices as mobile phones and applications allow us to transmit messages almost instantly. This plays a vital role in emergency, when lives are dependent on quick communication. Moreover, modern technology enables us to communicate and maintain relationships over long distances. In the past, when little alternative to face-to-face communication existed, it was very time-consuming and labour-intensive to establish any international business contacts. However, this can be done easily with the help of technology. You can organize an advertising campaign over the Internet, which will provide you with both clients and partners from all over the world with only a little effort from your side. One the other hand, communication by means of technology is often considered too impersonal and lacking in emotions. When you speak face-to-face, you see your partner’s facial expressions and body language, which gives you more information about what they feel. Of course, it is also possible through video calls, but to a limited extent. What is not feasible is to hug your friend over the Internet when you want to support them, for example. Another problem is that technology may not be of high quality and therefore reliably. You may find yourself in an area without mobile or wifi coverage or your internet connection may fail in the middle of an important video conference with your colleagues. More than that, poor quality of microphones and headphones can lead to headache. In conclusion, despite the fact that using technology for communication has undoubtedly facilitated it in many ways, there are situations when its effectiveness is limited and incomparable to that of face-to-face communication.
Technology-based means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
are preferred
to face-to-face interaction by an increasing number of both businesses and individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in work and social contexts. Although technological advances have made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
quicker, cheaper and possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
any distance, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is
also
associated with a number of drawbacks.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, communicating by means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is faster,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you can reach your interlocutor without having to travel to the same place. Whereas it is the case with face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
, such devices as mobile phones and applications
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to transmit messages almost
instantly
. This plays a vital role in emergency, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are dependent on quick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
Moreover
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
enables us to communicate and maintain relationships
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
long distances. In the past, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
alternative to face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
existed, it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
time-consuming and
Possible spelling mistake found.
labour-intensive
to establish any international business contacts.
However
, this can
be done
easily
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. You can organize an advertising campaign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the Internet, which will provide you with both clients and partners from all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the world with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
effort from your side.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
by means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered too impersonal and lacking in emotions. When you speak face-to-face, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
your partner’s facial expressions and body language, which gives you more information about what they feel.
Of course
, it is
also
possible through video calls,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to a limited extent. What is not feasible is to hug your friend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the Internet when you want to support them,
for example
. Another problem is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
may not be of high quality and
therefore
reliably
. You may find yourself in an area without mobile or
Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi Alliance.)
wifi
coverage or your internet connection may fail in the middle of an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
video conference with your colleagues. More than that, poor quality of microphones and headphones can lead to headache.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
has
undoubtedly
facilitated it in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, there are situations when its effectiveness
is limited
and incomparable to that of face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. Allow yourself 20 minutes v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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