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The figure below shows the figures for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the main information shown below. You should write at least 150 words. v.1

The figure below shows the figures for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the main information shown below. v. 1
In this fast-paced world, people tend to live alone and this trend is increasing. There are various causes behind this behaviour. A section of society is convinced that this approach will have a negative impact on the community. Whereas, the others tend to differ from this school of thought. In my opinion, I agree with the former point of view. The principal rationale for masses to stay independent is monetary benefits. Nowadays, both males and females are the bread winner of a family, which enables them to look after themselves. For instance, one of the extensive researches conducted by the UK government illustrated that the eighty percent of their population is living in silos because of their high income. The second main cause is a sedentary lifestyle. Owing to this lifestyle, people have become lazy to manage a family. For example, one of the studies conducted by the World Health Organization demonstrated that the major reason for people to prefer to lead an independent life is because of laziness caused by the modern lifestyle. Consequently, the causes for living alone is monetary benefits and sedentary lifestyle. Undoubtedly, the concept of leading an isolated life will impact the country negatively. Firstly, the student population in a country reduces, which is not good for any country to burgeon and reach the pinnacle. Like the UK government is now looking for younger immigrants to fund them via taxes, as only twenty percent of their crowd is under working age group. Secondly, independent way of approaching a life makes them grow lazier. As a result, laziness and under population will not help any country to spread their wings and embrace victory. In conclusion, my strong conviction is that independent way of living will negatively impact a nation by making them unfit and drastically reduces the population. Living in a family always brings positivity in one's life.
In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone and this trend is increasing. There are various causes behind this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. A section of society
is convinced
that this approach will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the community.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the others tend to differ from this school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former point of view.

The principal rationale for masses to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
is monetary benefits. Nowadays, both males and females are the bread winner of a family, which enables them to look after themselves.
For instance
, one of the extensive researches conducted by the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
illustrated that the eighty percent of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in silos
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their high income. The second main cause is a sedentary lifestyle. Owing to this lifestyle,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have become lazy to manage a family.
For example
, one of the studies conducted by the World Health Organization demonstrated that the major reason for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to prefer to lead an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of laziness caused by the modern lifestyle.
Consequently
, the causes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone is monetary benefits and sedentary lifestyle.

Undoubtedly
, the concept of leading an isolated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
will impact the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
negatively
.
Firstly
, the student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
, which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to burgeon and reach the pinnacle. Like the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
looking for younger immigrants to fund them via taxes, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
twenty percent of their crowd is under working age group.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
way of approaching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them grow lazier.
As a result
, laziness and under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to spread their wings and embrace victory.

In conclusion
, my strong conviction is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
will
negatively
impact a nation by making them unfit and
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
in a family always brings positivity in one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay The figure below shows the figures for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the main information shown below. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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