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The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. v.1

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. v. 1
Technology has become an integral part of today's educational system. While some individuals recommend that educational institutions should invest in hiring well trained staff, whereas others consider that the constrained measure of cash should be contributed in purchasing modern technological equipments. This essay will discuss on both statements. I, However believes that equal importance should be given on both before making an investment. On the one hand, efficient teachers are the fundamental pillars of the education system as they help the students to improve their knowledge. They motivate and guide the students to achieve their goals. For example, if a student is poor in any subject, a teacher will give extra care and time to make him improvise and clear his doubts. Thus, they act as the influential factor in children's life. Therefore, it is critically important for schools to invest money in recruiting good teaching staffs for better academic performance. On the other hand, integrating technology in schools enhances the relationship between teachers and students. Electronic technologies like tablets and laptops are used for e-learning in schools. For instance, students will be able to collect additional information about the topics in syllabus using internet access and can have a discussion with other students and teachers in their classroom. Hence, technological electronics are necessary for developing creativity and skills in children. To conclude, in my opinion technology and proper teaching is equally important in children's educational life. However, a balanced investment should be done by schools on artificial intelligence and for adding good teachers to their institutions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has become an integral part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's educational system. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals recommend that educational institutions should invest in hiring
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well trained
staff, whereas others consider that the constrained measure of cash should
be contributed
in purchasing modern technological equipments. This essay will discuss on both statements. I,
However
believes that equal importance should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
on both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making an investment.

On the one hand, efficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are the fundamental pillars of the education system as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge. They motivate and guide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to achieve their goals.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is poor in any subject, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
will give extra care and time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him improvise and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
his doubts.
Thus
, they act as the influential factor in children's life.
Therefore
, it is
critically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to invest money in recruiting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
teaching staffs for better academic performance.

On the other hand
, integrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
enhances the relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
like tablets and laptops are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for e-learning in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be able to collect additional information about the topics in syllabus using internet access and can have a discussion with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in their classroom.
Hence
, technological electronics are necessary for developing creativity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in children.

To conclude
, in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and proper teaching is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in children's educational life.
However
, a balanced investment should
be done
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
on artificial intelligence and for adding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
to their institutions.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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