Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

" Money is wasted on space exploration as compared to basic needs of human". Give your views. v.1

" Money is wasted on space exploration as compared to basic needs of human". Give your views. v. 1
There is no doubt that these days, people's lives has shrunken into the world wide web. Therefore, some people believe that the internet and social media have greatly influenced the folks. In my opinion, this has more negative impacts and, I will discuss about it in the essay. Technological advancements have made communication better in this world. However, there are a number of disadvantages of using them. First of all, the social media has affected youngsters more than that of adults. The reason is that they devote their maximum time in posting stuffs and updating status on social media. For example, Instagram is a social networking platform where the number of followers access an individual's popularity, and to increase their followers, teenagers start showing off their lives on the internet. Besides younger generation, adults are also sweeping over with the charm of web applications, especially Whatsapp. Another important point is the increased usage of internet due to which individuals are leading virtual lives. In other words, they have a lot of online friends, but no real relations due to which they go into depression. To illustrate, a recent study revealed that younger adults aged 18-25 have the highest prevalence of any mental illness compared to the adults aged 26-49 and the reason is the use of social media. Moreover, family members are also no longer attached, and despite talking to each other, they remain busy on their mobile phones. Thus, relations are destroying, and at the end of the day, everyone feels alone. In conclusion, it can be confidently stated that although the internet and social networking sites have brought the world closer, these sources have more negative impacts. I believe that these are not only destroying the lives of kids, but also damaging for our relations and becoming the reason behind various mental illnesses.
There is no doubt that these days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
has shrunken into the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have
greatly
influenced the folks. In my opinion, this has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts and, I will
Did you mean simply "discuss it"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about it
in the essay.

Technological advancements have made communication better in this world.
However
, there are a number of disadvantages of using them.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
youngsters more than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. The reason is that they devote their maximum time in posting stuffs and updating status on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
For example
, Instagram is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking platform where the number of followers access an individual's popularity, and to increase their followers,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
showing off their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
on the internet.
Besides
younger generation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are
also
sweeping over with the charm of web applications,
especially
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is the increased usage of internet due to which individuals are leading virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
In other words
, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
online friends,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
no real relations due to which they go into depression. To illustrate, a recent study revealed that younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
aged 18-25 have the highest prevalence of any mental illness compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
aged 26-49 and the reason is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Moreover
, family members are
also
no longer attached, and despite talking to each other, they remain busy on their mobile phones.
Thus
, relations are destroying, and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, everyone feels alone.

In conclusion
, it can be
confidently
stated that although the internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites have brought the world closer, these sources have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts. I believe that these are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
destroying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of kids,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
damaging for our relations and becoming the reason behind various mental illnesses.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay " Money is wasted on space exploration as compared to basic needs of human". Give your views. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts