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The diagram below shows information about member attendance at various clubs in a metro city Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The diagram below shows information about member attendance at various clubs in a metro city
The social life of the society has been one of the serious issues, especially over the last decade. Nowadays, companies are increasingly ramping up their focus on social responsibilities, whether its championing women's rights, protecting the environment, or attempting to obliterate poverty, on local, national, or global levels. I completely agree with this statement that believes big corporations should pay attention to social problems as much as to making profit. Being a socially responsible community can bolster the business's image and build its brand. Embracing social responsibilities go a long way towards attracting and retaining customers and increase their loyalty, which is indispensable to prosperous association and even convince them to fund their business. For instance, an overwhelming majority of people will gladly pay a premium for goods, knowing that part of the profits will be spent on social causes near and dear to them. Apart from this, formal business social responsibility programs can enhance employees' morale and lead them to greater productivity level. When workforces see the company working on is trying to make a better situation for the community, they will contribute more along the company's policies because of their sense of philanthropy. Although some may argue that it is the government that should concern for this issue, I believe that its budget has limitation and big companies should be involved in. In conclusion, I assert that companies should place a premium on social responsibility because if they do it, they will make profit automatically even more than they anticipate.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life of the society has been one of the serious issues,
especially
over the last decade. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are
increasingly
ramping up their focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
, whether its championing women's rights, protecting the environment, or attempting to obliterate poverty, on local, national, or global levels. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that believes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
corporations should pay attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
problems as much as to making profit.

Being a
socially
responsible community can bolster the business's image and build its brand. Embracing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
go a long way towards attracting and retaining customers and increase their loyalty, which is indispensable to prosperous association and even convince them to fund their business.
For instance
, an overwhelming majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
gladly
pay a premium for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, knowing that part of the profits will
be spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
causes near and dear to them.

Apart from this, formal business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
programs can enhance employees' morale and lead them to greater productivity level. When
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
working on is trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better situation for the community, they will contribute more along the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's policies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their sense of philanthropy.

Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may argue that it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
that should concern for this issue, I believe that its budget has limitation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should
be involved
in.

In conclusion
, I assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should place a premium on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they do it, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profit
automatically
even more than they anticipate.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The diagram below shows information about member attendance at various clubs in a metro city

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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