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TPO49-The ability to maintain friendships with a small number of people over a long period of time is more important for happiness than the ability to make many new friends easily v.1

TPO49-The ability to maintain friendships with a small number of people over a long period of time is more important for happiness than the ability to make many new friends easily v. 1
The Government should not ban few sports due to some people do not like to ban sports who are playing those games. In my Opinion, All games are useful to everybody with limits and specific rules and regulations while they were playing at the same time some people do not agree with that their having few reasons. To begin with, We have heard since our childhood that has been implemented by Government in each school than recognised those kid's knowledge in their childhood. If we encourage kids there they become a good sport man in future. In this world, having lots of game competition every country or Government to show their talent in this opportunity after they will gain profits on games. For example, nearly 80% people like cricket to watch and playing cricket for that they spend much point on the ground. As well as football players, looking peoples. On the other hand, definitely some sports are dangerous I agree with that, but no need to ban that game. Each game has a different activity few people like that if we are having any concerns we must change some rules. Human beings have freedom in our society than they can play any sport what they wish. For Example, rugby is dangerous while playing players some players to bite other players that time they loss their parts due to injure or loss their life. So we should check that game when they are going to play. I have to go to a conclusion, Organisations are providing opportunities to play any sports so could not leave those opportunities with rules and regulations. At the same time People also try to understand the value of sports.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should not ban few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like to ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In my Opinion, All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are useful to everybody with limits and specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations while they were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
at the same time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that their having few reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, We have heard since our childhood that has
been implemented
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
in each school than
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
those
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "kids"?
kid's
knowledge in their childhood.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
we encourage kids there they become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. In this world, having lots of game competition every country or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talent in this opportunity after they will gain profits on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For example
,
nearly
80%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like cricket to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
cricket for that they spend much point on the ground.
As well
as football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
, looking peoples.

On the other hand
, definitely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
no need to ban that game.

Each game has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activity few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like that if we are having any concerns we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. Human beings have freedom in our society than they can play any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
what they wish.
For Example
, rugby is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
to bite other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
that time they
Did you mean "lost" (past tense of the verb 'lose')?
loss
their parts due to injure or loss their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
that game when they are going to play.

I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to a conclusion,
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisations' is British English.
Organisations
are providing opportunities to play any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
those opportunities with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations. At the same time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
also
try to understand the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO49-The ability to maintain friendships with a small number of people over a long period of time is more important for happiness than the ability to make many new friends easily v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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