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1. The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. v.1

1. The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. v. 1
Nowadays the number of overweight people is constantly increasing. This essay will discuss the main reasons of this epidemic and then describe the possible effects of the overweight. In my opinion, the foremost causes of obesity are inactive lifestyle and unhealthy eating habits. Today, more and more people rely on cars instead of walking, have less physical demands at work and prefer inactive leisure activities. This results in burning less calories and gaining weight. Moreover, the problem is accentuated by the growing number of people, who eat irregularly and consume large portions of high-calorie food. For example, about 50% of the adult population in Europe with so-called disordered eating suffer from obesity. The possible effects of this problem include physical health problems and loss of productivity. First of all, obesity results in incorrect functioning of the human body and contributes to the risk of developing some chronic illnesses. For example, as body fat percentage increases, the person’s metabolism worsens, which in turn may result in diabetes or heart diseases. Secondly, overweight people are very unhealthy and often suffer from stress and tiredness. This lessens their work capacity and results in lower productivity. For example, it has been proven that an obese person needs to put more effort to complete some task than a person with normal weight. To sum up, obesity is a big problem that affects a lot of people nowadays. It’s mainly caused by an inactive lifestyle and eating disorders and results in severe health problems and loss of productivity.
Nowadays the number of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
constantly
increasing. This essay will discuss the main reasons of this epidemic and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the possible effects of the overweight.

In my opinion, the foremost causes of obesity are inactive lifestyle and unhealthy eating habits.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rely on cars
instead
of walking, have less physical demands at work and prefer inactive leisure activities. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in burning
Did you mean "fewer calories"?
less calories
and gaining weight.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is accentuated
by the growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who eat
irregularly
and consume large portions of high-calorie food.
For example
, about 50% of the adult population in Europe with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called disordered eating suffer from obesity.

The possible effects of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
include physical health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and loss of productivity.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in incorrect functioning of the human body and contributes to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of developing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
chronic illnesses.
For example
, as body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
percentage increases, the person’s metabolism worsens, which in turn may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in diabetes or heart diseases.
Secondly
, overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unhealthy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suffer from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and tiredness. This lessens their work capacity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in lower productivity.
For example
, it has
been proven
that an obese person needs to put more effort to complete
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
task than a person with normal weight.

To sum up, obesity is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
that affects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays. It’s
mainly
caused by an inactive lifestyle and eating disorders and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in severe health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and loss of productivity.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 1. The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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