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The table shows source of student income over ten year period in the United KingdomWrite a report a university lecturer describing the information shown below. v.1

The table shows source of student income over ten year period in the United KingdomWrite a report a university lecturer describing the information shown below. v. 1
In present generation people are having less sleep than required, which was effecting to their health and public. This essay will talk about the circumstances that are facing in the present world for improper sleep. In the present competitive world each and every individual are in belief that ‘Time is money’, so they are working for more hours without sleepless nights to increase their growth. Corporate companies are taking this an advantage and making the people like machines for higher productivity by paying more money for overtime hours, due to which people are not able to manage their work life balance and undergoing mental stress. For instance, there are companies which are linking their staff salaries and incentives based on the business they have brought to the company. The more business an employee brought to his company the more incentive he will get. Owing to such benefits people are working for more time and taking less rest. As per doctor’s recommendation, minimum of eight hours of sleep should require to human beings for good fitness, but as per medical research says that, in this modern world people are having sleep of maximum six hours per day, that means many people around the earth are facing the fitness issues because of less sleep. Furthermore, staying awake for longer hours and spending more with gadgets like mobile phones, playing with video games and spending more hours before the computer will affect the metabolism of the individual body. In conclusion, sleeping less is due to more work pressure and also to make more money. Though people may financially benefit, but ultimately they are spoiling their health, which is imperative and will have a negative impact on the society.
In present generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
than required, which was effecting to their health and public. This essay will talk about the circumstances that are facing in the present world for improper sleep.

In the present competitive world each and every individual are in belief that ‘Time is money’,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are working for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
without sleepless nights to increase their growth. Corporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are taking this an advantage and making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like machines for higher productivity by paying more money for overtime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not able to manage their
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance and undergoing mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For instance
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which are linking their staff salaries and incentives based on the business they have brought to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. The more business an employee brought to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
the more incentive he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. Owing to such benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working for more time and taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
rest.

As per doctor’s recommendation, minimum of eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
should require to human beings for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
fitness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as per medical research says that, in this modern world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
of maximum six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day, that means
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the earth are facing the fitness issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
.
Furthermore
, staying awake for longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and spending more with gadgets like mobile phones, playing with video games and spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the computer will affect the metabolism of the individual body.

In conclusion
, sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
is due to more work pressure and
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money. Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
financially
benefit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
ultimately
they are spoiling their health, which is imperative and will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The table shows source of student income over ten year period in the United KingdomWrite a report a university lecturer describing the information shown below. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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