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The graph below shows the population of particular country by age group starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2040 v.1

The graph below shows the population of particular country by age group starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2040 v. 1
Cities are transforming in various aspects, one of them is shopping pattern. It is often suggested by many that traditional businesses should be replaced by mega shopping centres. I believe that large shopping malls offer a better shopping experience to city residents and help the government collect taxes efficiently. Therefore, I believe that this is a welcoming trend. To begin with, large shopping complexes bring different vendors under a single roof and offer a spectrum of products. As people in cities have less time to spend on shopping, mega shopping malls save their valuable time. Furthermore, such markets have various entertainment facilities including cinema halls, food court, children's play zone etc. which improve people's shopping experience and let them enjoy their time. All those amenities under the same building cannot be offered by small businesses. In addition, collecting taxes from scattered small shops is often unmanageable as there is no defined authority for the business entities. However, it is easier when the stores are under the market authority in a single building. In some countries, like Australia, the government gives a tax rebate to small businesses to let them grow, which consequently can have dire outcomes in the future as financial overturn cannot be justified with those cuts. Thus, small businesses do not have a wide appeal to people and nor do financially help local government. In conclusion, to conform to modern shoppers' demand and facilities, mega malls are emerging. This should be wholeheartedly welcomed as it offers a better shopping experience to people and ensures tax collection by the state.
Cities are transforming in various aspects, one of them is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
pattern. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suggested by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
should
be replaced
by mega
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. I believe that large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls offer a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
experience to city residents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
collect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
efficiently
.
Therefore
, I believe that this is a welcoming trend.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complexes bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
vendors under a single roof and offer a spectrum of products. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in cities have less time to spend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, mega
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls save their valuable time.
Furthermore
, such markets have various entertainment facilities including cinema halls, food court, children's play zone etc. which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them enjoy their time. All those amenities under the same building cannot
be offered
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
businesses.

In addition
, collecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
from scattered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
shops is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
unmanageable as there is no defined authority for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
entities.
However
, it is easier when the stores are under the market authority in a single building. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, like Australia, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
gives a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
rebate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them grow, which
consequently
can have dire outcomes in the future as financial overturn cannot
be justified
with those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
do not have a wide appeal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and nor do
financially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
, to conform to modern shoppers' demand and facilities, mega malls are emerging. This should be
wholeheartedly
welcomed as it offers a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
experience to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and ensures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
collection by the state.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows the population of particular country by age group starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2040 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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