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Some students choose a university where English is the language of instruction. Others prefer an institution where they can speak their native language. Which environment would you prefer and why? v.1

Some students choose a university where English is the language of instruction. Others prefer an institution where they can speak their native language. Which environment would you prefer and why? v. 1
It is commonly believed by some people that testing cosmetic or medicine of animals is the necessary process to ensure the safety of a product before selling to human while others argue that this action is cruel and harmful to animal’s life and required to be terminated. In my opinion, I completely agree that the action to harm animal, even for the purpose to protect of human is unacceptable. First, animals have the basic right to survive and be protected by human. This is because animals are fragile living things and unable to protect themselves from people’s intrusive. There are several pieces of research claim that if some animals, especially chimpanzee is not reserved and excluded from serious damage in any experiment, they will be extinct within 2050. In addition, the extinction of animal can cause high severity damage to the overall ecosystem. Therefore, commercial organizations should stop using the animal to test the efficiency of their products. Second, there is a large number of animals that have been torturing for a long time as they receive side effect of the chemical during the experiment. For instance, the cosmetic company, which invent new chemical cosmetic and testing to the monkeys in the lab room to make sure that their product is safe for clients, causes more than fifty monkeys to face serious allergic without healing the animals. As a result, a large number of monkeys that has serious sickness end up deathly killed due to the chemical in the testing process. This kind of action is immoral, which set a bad example for all commercial business to brutal the animals and make profits from those cruel actions. Furthermore, this will cause young generation to perceive the method of a testing product with animals as the common things which decline the moral value in human. In conclusion, although some experiments required animals to be part of their testing process to ensure the success of products, all actions that might cause a serious effect to animals must be banned as it causes extinction among animals and declines the moral value in soc
It is
commonly
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
testing
cosmetic or medicine of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is the necessary process to ensure the safety of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
selling to human while others argue that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
is cruel and harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal’s
life and required to
be terminated
. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
to harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
, even for the purpose to protect of human is unacceptable.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have the basic right to survive and
be protected
by human. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are fragile living things and unable to protect themselves from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s intrusive. There are several pieces of research claim that if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
especially
chimpanzee is not reserved and excluded from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
damage in any experiment, they will be extinct within 2050.
In addition
, the extinction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
high severity damage to the
overall
ecosystem.
Therefore
, commercial organizations should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
the efficiency of their products.

Second, there is
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
that have been torturing for a long time as they receive side effect of the chemical during the experiment.
For instance
, the cosmetic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, which invent new chemical cosmetic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
testing
to the monkeys in the lab room to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is safe for clients,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
more than fifty monkeys to face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
allergic without healing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
As a result
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
monkeys that has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
sickness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up deathly killed due to the chemical in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
testing
process. This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
is immoral, which set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
example for all commercial business to brutal the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profits from those cruel actions.
Furthermore
, this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
young generation to perceive the method of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
testing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as the common things which decline the moral value in human.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experiments required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to be part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
testing
process to ensure the success of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, all actions that might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
effect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be banned
as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
extinction among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and declines the moral value in soc
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Some students choose a university where English is the language of instruction. Others prefer an institution where they can speak their native language. Which environment would you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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