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The graph below shows the fertility rate of women of different Gulf Countries from 1990 to 2000. v.1

The graph below shows the fertility rate of women of different Gulf Countries from 1990 to 2000. v. 1
Wealth and luxury life have become the most important part of life, however, a few people are left in the world who do not care about this. I completely disagree with this thought of people because wealth and possession do not make a man perfect. The most important consideration is that kind and honest people are very important in societies Although, rich people get all the respect from others while having bad behavior, however, no one cares about them because everyone thinks that he can get benefit from a rich person therefore he keeps on doing appreciation of rich people. There are a frequent number of negative impacts in our society due to this. For instance, if someone respects a person just because of his richness then he loses self-respect. He considers himself a slave without any reason. Consequently, Rich becomes arrogant and use poor people along with misbehaving with them. Whereas Poor but good people lose that respect which they deserve, in addition, Only the selfish people can give someone respect due to their wealth, not because of the kindness and truthfulness and they are the reason of bad environment. A famous Philosopher Ahmad Abbas said, " The Nations who give others respect because of wealth are destroyed and never get success ever". So I recommend these type of people not to give importance others because of wealth instead we should encourage kind and honest people so that our environment would become better. In conclusion, I strongly believe that people can change their societies just by changing their mind and way of treating others. Otherwise, equality will be finished from the world, there will be a lot of inconveniences.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Wealth
and luxury life have become the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of life,
however
, a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
in the world who do not care about this. I completely disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
and possession do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
perfect.

The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
consideration is that kind and honest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in societies Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
from others while having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behavior,
however
, no one cares about them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefit from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
person
therefore
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
on doing appreciation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

There are a frequent number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts in our society due to this.
For instance
, if someone respects a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his richness then he loses self-respect. He considers himself a slave without any reason.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rich
becomes arrogant and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
along with misbehaving with them. Whereas Poor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
which they deserve,
in addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
the selfish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can give someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "respects", "respected".
respect
due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the kindness and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
truthfulness and
they are the reason of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
environment. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Philosopher Ahmad Abbas said,
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
The Nations who give others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
and never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success ever
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I recommend these type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not to give importance others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
instead
we should encourage kind and honest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that our environment would become better.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their societies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by changing their mind and way of treating others.
Otherwise
, equality will
be finished
from the world, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
inconveniences.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows the fertility rate of women of different Gulf Countries from 1990 to 2000. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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