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The graph below shows the daily consumption of three spreads per person from 1981 to 2007 in a country. v.1

The graph below shows the daily consumption of three spreads per person from 1981 to 2007 in a country. v. 1
Human interference in the nature for the advancement of life is leading to the destruction of the environment. Many of the factors are in human control or can be achieved by putting appropriate efforts towards its accomplishment. In this essay, I am elaborating the causative factors and its solutions which need to be proposed. The first major cause of the imbalance of environment, is the deforestation for the purpose of accommodating the growing population, which has the tendency to migrate towards urban regions. The land is shrinking, in order to achieve the living space for the growing population of cities. For example, every year, 3 million hectares of forests are getting cut down in Europe, because of this surge in demand. Furthermore, the carbon level in air is rising, because of the growing number of vehicles being used by this population. As a result, our air is getting polluted day by day. Government should take effective measures in confronting this major challenge, in terms of providing better living standards in rural areas too, so that the aspiring citizens of these regions can think of an alternative, before moving to the cities, which are already overcrowded. Industries need to be established in those areas, where people have a tendency to migrate. At an individual level, one should be more accountable to protect the environment by reducing the usage of private vehicles, so that the carbon emission can be cut down in a substantial amount. Moreover, it leads to a healthy lifestyle, if people choose to travel by bicycle or take walks. To sum up, I conclude that it is a handshake of efforts of bureaucracy with the citizens. By effective government measures, to tackle this rural immigration along with the individual's active accountability can help a lot to tackle this major humanitarian challenge.
Human interference in the nature for the advancement of life is leading to the destruction of the environment.
Many
of the factors are in human control or can
be achieved
by putting appropriate efforts towards its accomplishment. In this essay, I am elaborating the causative factors and its solutions which need to
be proposed
.

The
first
major cause of the imbalance of environment, is the deforestation for the purpose of accommodating the growing population, which has the tendency to migrate towards urban regions. The land is shrinking, in order to achieve the living space for the growing population of cities.
For example
, every year, 3 million hectares of forests are getting
cut
down in Europe,
because of this
surge in demand.
Furthermore
, the carbon level in air is rising,
because
of the growing number of vehicles being
used
by this population.
As a result
, our air is getting polluted day by day.

Government
should take effective measures in confronting this major challenge, in terms of providing better living standards in rural areas too,
so
that the aspiring citizens of these regions can
think
of an alternative,
before
moving to the cities, which are already overcrowded. Industries need to
be established
in those areas, where
people
have a tendency to migrate.

At an individual level, one should be more accountable to protect the environment by reducing the usage of private vehicles,
so
that the carbon emission can be
cut
down in a substantial amount.
Moreover
, it leads to a healthy lifestyle, if
people
choose to travel by bicycle or take walks.

To sum up, I conclude that it is a handshake of efforts of bureaucracy with the citizens. By effective
government
measures, to tackle this rural immigration along with the individual's active accountability can
help
a lot to tackle this major humanitarian challenge.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows the daily consumption of three spreads per person from 1981 to 2007 in a country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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