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The line graph illustrates the fish and meat consumption in gram per person per week in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v.1

The line graph illustrates the fish and meat consumption in gram per person per week in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v. 1
One of the highly controversial issues today relates to whether or not the teaching of a foreign language in primary schools and kindergarten should be obligatory. I strongly agree with this view due to several reasons that I will discuss in greater detail in my essay. On one side of the debate, there are people who argue that the benefits of learning a second language at primary schools considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing that is that being bilingual is seen as crucial to triumph in the contemporary era. It is also possible to say that, in comparison with adults, the offspring is more flexible in acquiring new skills, such as those related to speaking another language. One good illustration of this is the fact that, overall, a person who started studying English right from the beginning of his schooling has higher chances of showing fluency in that language during adulthood than someone who began his/her English studies in secondary school. On the other hand, it is also possible to make the opposing case. It is often argued that in fact, learning another language at a young age is actually a threat to the mother tongue, as it may be harder for bilingual children to identify themselves with a specific culture. A particularly good example here is a child who learns English and Japanese at the same time: during the first years she may get confused with how to express her thoughts and emotions in both languages. Not only that, after growing up, she may lose the feeling of belonging to her native community. Having considered a range of arguments, I have drawn the conclusion that I am mostly inclined to the opinion that it should be mandatory for children to study a foreign language at primary schools.
One of the
highly
controversial issues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
relates to whether or not the teaching of a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in primary schools and kindergarten should be obligatory. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view due to several reasons that I will discuss in greater detail in my essay.

On one side of the debate, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
argue that the benefits of learning a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at primary schools
considerably
outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing
that is
that being bilingual is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as crucial to triumph in the contemporary era. It is
also
possible to say that,
in comparison
with adults, the offspring is more flexible in acquiring new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, such as those related to speaking another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is the fact that,
overall
, a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
studying English right from the beginning of his schooling has higher chances of showing fluency in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
during adulthood than someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
began his/her English studies in secondary school.

On the other hand
, it is
also
possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the opposing case. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that in fact, learning another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at a young age is actually a threat to the mother tongue, as it may be harder for bilingual children to identify themselves with a specific culture. A
particularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example here is a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
learns English and Japanese at the same time: during the
first
years she may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
confused with how to express her thoughts and emotions in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, after growing up, she may lose the feeling of belonging to her native community.

Having considered a range of arguments, I have drawn the conclusion that I am
mostly
inclined to the opinion that it should be mandatory for children to study a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at primary schools.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The line graph illustrates the fish and meat consumption in gram per person per week in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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