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The carts below give the information about workforce composition in the UK, and about average hourly earnings. v.1

The carts below give the information about workforce composition in the UK, and about average hourly earnings. v. 1
It is sometimes argued that high school students should be made to do some work in their local communities. While I disagree with the idea of making such programmes compulsory, I do believe that voluntary community service could benefit young people. There are several reasons why I would argue against having compulsory community service for secondary school students. Firstly, the school curriculum is already full with important academic subjects, such as maths, science and languages. For example, I remember having an extremely busy timetable when I was in high school, and it would not have been possible to add it. Secondly, students' performance in other subjects would be affected if valuable study time were taken by charity work or neighbourhood improvement schemes. Finally, I believe that teenage students would be reluctant to take part in any programme of obligatory work, and this could lead to poor motivation and even bad behaviour. On the other hand, the opportunity to do voluntary community service could be extremely positive for high school students. By making these programmes optional, schools would ensure that only motivated students take part. These young people would gain valuable experience in an adult working environment, which could help to build their self confidence and enhance their skills. Having such experience and skills on their CVs could greatly improve school leavers' career prospects. For instance, a period of voluntary work experience might impress a university admissions officer or a future employer. In conclusion, although I do not believe having community service as a mandatory part of high school curriculum is a good idea, making it optional can create a great impact on students' career.
It is
sometimes
argued that
high
school
students
should
be made
to do
some
work
in their local
communities
. While I disagree with the
idea
of making such
programmes
compulsory, I do believe that voluntary
community
service
could benefit young
people
.

There are several reasons why I would argue against
having
compulsory
community
service
for secondary
school
students
.
Firstly
, the
school
curriculum is already
full with
important
academic subjects, such as
maths
, science and languages.
For example
, I remember
having
an
extremely
busy timetable when I was in
high
school
, and it would not have been possible to
add
it.
Secondly
, students' performance in other subjects would be
affected
if valuable study time
were taken
by charity
work
or
neighbourhood
improvement schemes.
Finally
, I believe that teenage
students
would be reluctant to
take part
in any
programme
of obligatory
work
, and this could lead to poor motivation and even
bad
behaviour
.

On the other hand
, the opportunity to do voluntary
community
service
could be
extremely
positive
for
high
school
students
. By making these
programmes
optional,
schools
would ensure that
only
motivated
students
take part
. These young
people
would gain valuable experience in an adult working environment, which could
help
to build their
self confidence
and enhance their
skills
.
Having
such experience and
skills
on their
CVs
could
greatly
improve
school leavers
' career prospects.
For instance
, a period of voluntary
work
experience might impress a university admissions officer or a future employer.

In conclusion
, although I do not believe
having
community
service
as a mandatory part of
high
school
curriculum is a
good
idea
, making it optional can create a great impact on students' career.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The carts below give the information about workforce composition in the UK, and about average hourly earnings. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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