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The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (C02) emissions per person in United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. v.1

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (C02) emissions per person in United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. v. 1
Elders of over sixty-five years old are able to participate actively in life nowadays due to improvements in life expectancy as compared to the past. The impact of retired people living longer can lead to a plethora of advantages for society. One of the most obvious benefits that elders can bestow upon society is knowledge. Older people have already accumulated numerous experiences in life, both in the workplace and in their daily lives. Those experiences can be of great use to people around them and to their societies as well. For example, old teachers, doctors, and scientists have a lot of knowledge and experience in the workplace that cannot be easily obtained by younger people. In those professions, it is crucial for older people to advise those who are at the beginning of their careers since they require their guidance and assistance. In other words, the experience of the older generation is invaluable and can never be learned elsewhere. Furthermore, the older the people, the wiser they become. This wisdom, which is acquired through time, can be immensely helpful to families and people related to elders. For instance, when someone in the family is faced with a difficult decision or a challenge, the first person they would turn to is the oldest person they know. This is due to the fact that old people are trusted and are well known for their wisdom in life. This would lead to a healthy young generation since they were supported by their elders while growing up and were advised and supervised constantly. In conclusion, elders play a vital role in the development of a healthy and balanced society. With their life spans being lengthened, it is undeniable that older people contribute to the overall well-being of their societies and help numerous people around them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Elders
of over sixty-five years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
are able to participate
actively
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
nowadays due to improvements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy as compared to the past. The impact of retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living longer can lead to a plethora of advantages for society.

One of the most obvious benefits that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
can bestow upon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is knowledge.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have already accumulated numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, both in the workplace and in their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
can be of great
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them and to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
as well
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
teachers, doctors, and scientists have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in the workplace that cannot be
easily
obtained by younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In those professions, it is crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to advise those who are at the beginning of their careers since they require their guidance and assistance.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation is invaluable and can never
be learned
elsewhere.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the wiser they become. This wisdom, which
is acquired
through time, can be
immensely
helpful to families and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
.
For instance
, when someone in the family
is faced
with a difficult decision or a challenge, the
first
person they would turn to is the oldest person they know.
This is due to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are trusted
and are well known for their wisdom in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This would lead to a healthy young generation since they
were supported
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
while growing up and
were advised
and supervised
constantly
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
play a vital role in the development of a healthy and balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. With their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
spans
being lengthened
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contribute to the
overall
well-being of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (C02) emissions per person in United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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