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The tables below show people s reasons for giving up smoking and when they intend to give up summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisions where relevant v.1

The tables below show people s reasons for giving up smoking and when they intend to give up
These days, care of medical is developed significantly. It is true that people can live longer as well as expectance of life is also increased. In my opinion, I think that the benefits of medical development are living with family and travelling to all over the world far outweigh than the negatives. Although, there are some major benefits of the development of medical care which are living with family and travelling to any places of the earth. Firstly, people can live with their family by the help of this developed medical care. In other words, people can take new service of medical and spend the full valuable lifetime with family. Secondly, people can visit to the world more and more and enjoy the moment. That is to say that, progressed medical treatment teach people about the value of life and for this reason, people wants to enjoy. As a result, they go out and visit all over the world. For instance, my cousin Shihab broked his one hand and improved the injury in a very short time by the help of new medical treatment. He visited England, Canada, and Australia for enjoying the good time when he recovered because he learned the value of life. Besides, people can learn the value and spend the life pleasantly by the help of medical treatment. On the other hand, There are some disadvantages of medical progression which are expensive as well as dangerous for older people. One problem is developed medical care is so much expensive. Therefore, poor people cannot handle the amount and they are dying out. Another issue is that, older people cannot take the pressure of new technological health service because they get hurt. For example, my grandmother cannot handle the effect of therapy and she died in the hospital at treatment time. Moreover, medical treatment developed, but cross the limitation for poor and older people. In conclusion, improvement of medical is progressing. However, I personally think that the advantages of it far outweigh rather than some expensive and hurting problem issues.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
significantly
. It is true that
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people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer
as well
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
expectance
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
also
increased. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
development are living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and travelling to all over the world far outweigh than the negatives.

Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major benefits of the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
which are living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and travelling to any places of the earth.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take new service of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
and spend the full valuable lifetime with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can visit to the world more and more and enjoy the moment.
That is
to say that, progressed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
for this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
wants
to enjoy.
As a result
, they go out and visit all over the world.
For instance
, my cousin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shihab
Possible spelling mistake found.
broked
his one hand and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the injury in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short time by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
. He visited England, Canada, and Australia for enjoying the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time when he recovered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he learned the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn the value and spend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
pleasantly
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatment.

On the other hand
, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
progression which are expensive
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. One problem is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much expensive.
Therefore
, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot handle the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
amount and
they are dying out. Another issue is that, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot take the pressure of new technological health service
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hurt.
For example
, my grandmother cannot handle the effect of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
therapy and
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in the hospital at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
time.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cross the limitation for poor and older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
is progressing.
However
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the advantages of it far outweigh
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
expensive and hurting problem issues.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The tables below show people s reasons for giving up smoking and when they intend to give up

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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