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The graph below shows the daily average minimum and maximumlevels of air pollutants in four big cities in 2000. v.1

The graph below shows the daily average minimum and maximumlevels of air pollutants in four big cities in 2000. v. 1
It is often argued that renovation of historical buildings requires a great amount of money, therefore we have to spend more money on new buildings rather than redevelopment. I partially agree with this statement and think that some old building can be used for tourism purpose, however this money should be used for better accommodation. There are many old buildings which have great history and they have been made for a special purpose. While upcoming generation will show these kind of buildings, they will know the culture and tradition of their ancestors. It is true that the repairing of older building is quite expensive although they can be used for tourism purpose, therefore they will manage their expensive with paid tickets. For example, one of the seven wonders, the Taj Mahal takes some charges to visit in their main are due to that the authority manage their expenditure regarding its redevelopment. However, the modern buildings give some special facilities and moreover, they provide chance to live more people in one building. Nowadays, most of countries are suffering from accommodation related problems, therefore Government have to create some modern buildings for their citizens. For example, one survey found that half of the world’s greatest town can solve their living problems if they will build some new buildings instead repairing of older buildings. Thus, the government will provide more living facilities if they will spend money on making buildings. To conclude, it is the fact that older buildings can be repaired after spending a huge amount of money. Some historical buildings are too appealing so, they can be used for tourist place however
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that renovation of historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
requires a great amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
therefore
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
rather
than redevelopment. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for tourism purpose,
however
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for better accommodation.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
which have great
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
history and
they have
been made
for a special purpose. While upcoming generation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
, they will know the culture and tradition of their ancestors. It is true that the repairing of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
is quite expensive although they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for tourism purpose,
therefore
they will manage their expensive with paid tickets.
For example
, one of the seven wonders, the Taj Mahal takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
charges to visit in their main are due to that the authority manage their expenditure regarding its redevelopment.

However
, the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special facilities and
moreover
, they provide chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
. Nowadays,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the countries") or simply say "most countries".
most of countries
are suffering from accommodation related problems,
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
for their citizens.
For example
, one survey found that half of the world’s greatest town can solve their living problems if they will build
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
instead
repairing of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will provide more living facilities if they will spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on making buildings.

To conclude
, it is the fact that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
can
be repaired
after spending a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are too appealing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for tourist place
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
however
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay The graph below shows the daily average minimum and maximumlevels of air pollutants in four big cities in 2000. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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