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The graph below shows the changes in the place where people used to surf the internet in the years 1998, 2000, 2002 and 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and makes comparisons where relevant. v.1

The graph below shows the changes in the place where people used to surf the internet in the years 1998, 2000, 2002 and 2004.
SOME PEOPLE ARGUE THAT BUILDING MORE SPORTING FACILITIES IS MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO IMPROVE PUBLIC HEALTH, HOWEVER OTHER SAID THAT PLAYING A SPORT ALONE IS NOT SUFFICIENT. ACCORDING TO THEM, OTHER MEASURES ARE REQUIRED TO ENSURE PUBLIC HEALTH. IN MY VIEWPOINT, SPORT MEAN THAT THE PERSON CONTINUOUS PLAYING AND THEY DO NOT NEED TO FOLLOW DIET AND LIFESTYLE. MOREOVER, THERE ARE SEVERAL BENEFITS TO INDULGING SPORTS ACTIVITIES. MOST OF THE INDOOR AND OUTDOOR SPORTS REQUIRED PHYSICAL EFFORTS AND THIS IN TURN MAKES A PEOPLE ACTIVE AND FLEXIBLE. ADDITIONALLY, A STUDENT PLAYS SPORTS REGULARLY BASIS, THE CHILDREN IS FITTER THAN NORMAL PEOPLE. THUS, SPORTS HELP PEOPLE TO THINK BROAD AND OPEN MINDED IN THINKING SUCH AS OLD AGE PEOPLE ARE NOT MUCH BROAD MAN, BUT THEY ARE NARROW MINDED IN NATURE, THEREFORE THEIR THINKING POWER IS NOT AS MUCH STRONG. IN ADDITION TO, SPORTS ARE BENEFICIAL FOR HEALTH, BECAUSE THEY GET RID FROM HUMAN BODY SUCH AS HEART ISSUES, CONSTIPATION, SUGAR AND CHOLESTEROL ETC. DO SPORTS AS MUCH BUT PURSUE THEIR HEATH SUCH AS DIET AND LIFESTYLE. EXERCISE HELPS THE ABDOMEN TO GAIN THE AGILITY AND LOSE EXTRA CALORIES AND BALANCED DIET MAKE SURE THAT THE AMOUNT OF SUPPLEMENTS REQUIRED TO THE BODY METABOLISM DOES NOT PUT ON THE EXTRA CALORIES AND DIET. TO RECAPITULATE IT IS SAID THAT, BECAUSE PLAYING SPORTS ALONE WILL NOT BE THAT EFFICIENT, MOREOVER IMPROVING LEVEL OF FITNESS OF A PERSON, BUT EXERCISE REGULARLY AND EAT A SUITABLE DIET. SPORTS HELPS US TO BE FIT AND LEVEL THE BODY METABOLISM AND REDUCE AS MUCH AS FAT, FURTHER ABLE TO WALK AND SIT PERFECTLY.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
ARGUE THAT BUILDING MORE SPORTING FACILITIES IS MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
IMPROVE
PUBLIC HEALTH,
HOWEVER
OTHER SAID THAT PLAYING A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPORT
ALONE IS NOT SUFFICIENT. ACCORDING TO THEM, OTHER MEASURES
ARE REQUIRED
TO ENSURE PUBLIC HEALTH. IN MY VIEWPOINT,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPORT
MEAN THAT THE PERSON CONTINUOUS PLAYING AND THEY DO NOT NEED TO FOLLOW DIET AND LIFESTYLE.

MOREOVER
, THERE ARE SEVERAL BENEFITS TO INDULGING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPORTS
ACTIVITIES. MOST OF THE INDOOR AND OUTDOOR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPORTS
REQUIRED PHYSICAL EFFORTS AND THIS IN TURN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKES
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
ACTIVE AND FLEXIBLE.
ADDITIONALLY
, A STUDENT PLAYS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPORTS
REGULARLY
BASIS, THE CHILDREN IS FITTER THAN NORMAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
.
THUS
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPORTS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THINK
BROAD AND OPEN MINDED IN THINKING SUCH AS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OLD
AGE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
ARE NOT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUCH
BROAD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAN
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
THEY ARE NARROW MINDED IN NATURE,
THEREFORE
THEIR THINKING POWER IS NOT AS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUCH
STRONG.

IN ADDITION
TO,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPORTS
ARE BENEFICIAL FOR HEALTH,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THEY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
The usual collocation for "RID" is "of" not "FROM". Did you mean "RID of"?
RID FROM
HUMAN BODY SUCH AS HEART ISSUES, CONSTIPATION, SUGAR AND CHOLESTEROL ETC. DO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPORTS
AS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUCH
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
PURSUE THEIR HEATH SUCH AS DIET AND LIFESTYLE. EXERCISE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELPS
THE ABDOMEN TO GAIN THE AGILITY AND LOSE EXTRA CALORIES AND BALANCED DIET
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
SURE THAT THE AMOUNT OF SUPPLEMENTS REQUIRED TO THE BODY METABOLISM DOES NOT PUT ON THE EXTRA CALORIES AND DIET.

TO RECAPITULATE IT
IS SAID
THAT,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
PLAYING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPORTS
ALONE WILL NOT BE THAT EFFICIENT,
MOREOVER
IMPROVING LEVEL OF FITNESS OF A PERSON,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
EXERCISE
REGULARLY
AND EAT A SUITABLE DIET.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPORTS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELPS
US TO
BE FIT
AND LEVEL THE BODY METABOLISM AND
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
REDUCE
AS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUCH
AS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
FAT
,
FURTHER
ABLE TO WALK AND SIT
PERFECTLY
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The graph below shows the changes in the place where people used to surf the internet in the years 1998, 2000, 2002 and 2004.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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