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the chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of schools education. v.1

the chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of schools education. v. 1
It has become far normal for people to live alone, particularly in metropolitan areas in the developed world. From my perspective, I firmly agree that the demerits of solitary lifestyle prevail over its possible merits. First of all, property prices and rents will inevitably arise if more and more people choose to live on their own. To be specific, living a solitary lifestyle can increase pressure on housing shortages, while there is not enough space to build more houses in a limited urban area. As a result, a rise in demand for housing is likely to push up property prices and rents. A survey conducted by 'TIMES NOW' reported that Shenzhen property rates have been increased by 35% in the last 5 years due to the increase in the number of people living alone. In addition, the increasing trend of living alone has a direct relationship with the percentage of people suffer from psychological problems these days. In other words, living alone creates loneliness and depression, unlike the traditional family where there are always others to share someone’s distress and sadness. Tolerating negative emotions alone often leads people to become introverted, egoistic and eccentric. A recent Shenzhen University study reveals that single-person family members who saw a psychiatrist increased by 20% over last year. In conclusion, the increase in one-person households has more detrimental effects on the development of the society because that it may not only cause house prices to rise but also it is negative to people's mental health.
It has become far normal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
,
particularly
in metropolitan areas in the developed world. From my perspective, I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the demerits of solitary lifestyle prevail over its possible merits.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, property prices and rents will
inevitably
arise if more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. To be specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
a solitary lifestyle can increase pressure on housing shortages, while there is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space to build more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
in a limited urban area.
As a result
, a rise in demand for housing is likely to push up property prices and rents. A survey conducted by 'TIMES
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
NOW
' reported that Shenzhen property rates have
been increased
by 35% in the last 5 years due to the increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone.

In addition
, the increasing trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
has a direct relationship with the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from psychological problems these days.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
creates loneliness and depression, unlike the traditional family where there are always others to share someone’s distress and sadness. Tolerating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
emotions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become introverted, egoistic and eccentric. A recent Shenzhen University study reveals that single-person family members who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a psychiatrist increased by 20% over last year.

In conclusion
, the increase in one-person households has more detrimental effects on the development of the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that it may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
prices to rise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mental health.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay the chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of schools education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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