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The graphs give information about computer ownership as a [percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. v.1

The graphs give information about computer ownership as a [percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. v. 1
Child obesity is one of the most concerned health issues in today’s society as more and more children are becoming habituated to adopt unhealthy lifestyles by consuming junk food as a part of their daily diet. I agree with the viewpoint of few individuals aiming that publicizing using TV commercials as a platform to promote the junk food not before 9PM could be one of the solutions to the above problem. However, this measure will not be sufficient to prevent obesity in children and there is a sheer need to implement other alternative solutions that can help to minimize this issue. Consumption of junk food is one of the major causes behind obesity in the children. TV commercials are one of the contributors why children are addicted to eating excessive amount of fast food. Children are psychologically immature and can get susceptible to media easily. Fast food industry has used this knowledge to their advantage and aimed to target children to get influenced by unhealthy food through various marketing and advertising techniques. A recent survey by the Indian Pediatric Association in 2017 claims that the majority of Indian children are obese and the reason for the same is due to consumption of the junk food. It has also stated that children are changing their food preferences in getting influenced by the advertisements that are being showcased on TV. If these commercials could be prohibited, their powerful influence on children would be greatly diminished. However, other measures should be taken along with the regulation of TV commercials. In today’s world, children are exposed to other types of media such as mobile phones and internet, thereby being affected by the advertisements even on them. Therefore, reducing the impact of TV commercials is not the ultimate solution to this problem. In order to solve this problem, parents should stringently monitor the eating habits of their children and healthy eating habits and the consequences of consuming junk food should be educated at schools. In addition, the government should impose heavy taxes on brands selling junk food and by encouraging healthy eating habits by conducting various health awareness programs. To sum up, I agree that regulating TV commercials are a feasible way to cope with child obesity, but other steps should also be taken at the same time to make it more effective.
Child obesity is one of the most concerned health issues in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society as more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are becoming habituated to adopt unhealthy lifestyles by consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as a part of their daily diet. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the viewpoint of few individuals aiming that publicizing using TV commercials as a platform to promote the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
9PM could be one of the solutions to the above problem.
However
, this measure will not be sufficient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and there is a sheer need to implement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
alternative solutions that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to minimize this issue.

Consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is one of the major causes behind obesity in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. TV commercials are one of the contributors why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
excessive amount of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are
psychologically
immature and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
susceptible to media
easily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industry has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
this knowledge to their advantage and aimed to target
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced by unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
through various marketing and advertising techniques. A recent survey by the Indian Pediatric Association in 2017 claims that the majority of Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are obese and the reason for the same is due to consumption of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. It has
also
stated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are changing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
preferences in getting influenced by the advertisements that are
being showcased
on TV. If these commercials could
be prohibited
, their powerful influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be
greatly
diminished.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures should
be taken
along with the regulation of TV commercials. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are exposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
types of media such as mobile phones and internet, thereby being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the advertisements even on them.
Therefore
, reducing the impact of TV commercials is not the ultimate solution to this problem. In order to solve this problem, parents should
stringently
monitor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits and the consequences of consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
should
be educated
at schools.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose heavy taxes on brands selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and by encouraging healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits by conducting various health awareness programs.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that regulating TV commercials are a feasible way to cope with child obesity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
steps should
also
be taken
at the same time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more effective.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graphs give information about computer ownership as a [percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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