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The graph below shows the types of transport used by tourists who visited New Zealand from five countries in 2004 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The graph below shows the types of transport used by tourists who visited New Zealand from five countries in 2004
The disparity between the rich and the poor has moved to the extreme ends over the last decade. The rich have continued to gain more investment and grow richer while the poor have remained poor. It depicts the inequality in income distribution between the rich and the poor. This creates a significant rift between the wealthy and the poor and leads to many social problems. Economic disparity not only affects the lives of the people, but also hinders the overall economic development of a nation. The ministry should always strive towards minimizing this gap. If we look at the problems caused by this phenomenon, we will find a number of reasons and solutions of this concern will be mentioned. First of all, in developing countries, especially in rural areas, there are many people who are illiterate, while the employers highly prefer well-qualified staff with expert knowledge and Information Technology or foreign languages. As the result, many people become unemployed, they cannot support themselves and their family. In addition, the globalisation gives good conditions for developed countries to be more prosperous. After that, economic crises occur after several years, as a stage of the economic cycle. Given their capabilities and power, rich nations often recover more quickly than their poor counterparts. This means that the poor is not only more prone to the negative impacts of economic crises but also more difficult circumstances. The gap which was mentioned above is extended quickly. Last of all, many natural disasters usually occur in poor nations. Floods, earthquakes, tsunamis, droughts… killed thousands of people and destroyed an enormous number of houses, buildings and infrastructures. The governments had to pay a lot of cash for rebuilding and recovery. For this issue, there are some solutions to narrow this gap. It is clear that if the education is improved, the unemployment will no longer be a serious problem. People can live and support their family within their incomes. Another suggestion is protecting the environment. This solution not only save people’s lives, but also makes funds for residents by tourism, fishing… or save the precious resources for science… Furthermore, many foundations was established to raise money for poor people. The rich can share their money or food and other essential things for the poor who always live in famine. Even we are not rich, we can also take part in volunteer work to help those people. In conclusion, there are some reasons which are responsible for the differences between rich and poor nations such as weak education, natural disasters and economic crises. However, if we can improve the education or protect the environment, this problem will become easy to solve.
The disparity between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to the extreme ends over the last decade. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
have continued to gain more investment and grow richer while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
have remained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
. It depicts the inequality in income distribution between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
. This creates a significant rift between the wealthy and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Economic
disparity not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
hinders the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. The ministry should always strive towards minimizing this gap. If we look at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by this phenomenon, we will find a number of reasons and solutions of this concern will
be mentioned
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
,
especially
in rural areas, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are illiterate, while the employers
highly
prefer well-qualified staff with expert knowledge and Information Technology or foreign languages. As the result,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become unemployed, they cannot support themselves and their family.
In addition
, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
conditions for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
to be more prosperous. After that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
crises occur after several years, as a stage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
cycle.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
their capabilities and power,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
recover more
quickly
than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
counterparts. This means that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
more prone to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
crises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
more difficult circumstances. The gap which
was mentioned
above
is extended
quickly
. Last of all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
natural disasters
usually
occur in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. Floods, earthquakes, tsunamis, droughts… killed thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
an enormous number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, buildings and infrastructures. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
had to pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
cash for rebuilding and recovery.

For this issue, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to narrow this gap. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that if the education is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, the unemployment will no longer be a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
and support their family within their incomes. Another suggestion is protecting the environment. This solution not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
funds for residents by tourism, fishing… or save the precious resources for science…
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
foundations
was established
to raise money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
can share their money or food and other essential things for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
who always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in famine. Even we are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
, we can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in volunteer work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons which are responsible for the differences between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
such as weak education, natural disasters and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
crises.
However
, if we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the education or protect the environment, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
will become easy to solve.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows the types of transport used by tourists who visited New Zealand from five countries in 2004

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
443 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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