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The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by day car, bus or train between 1970 and 2030. v.1

The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by day car, bus or train between 1970 and 2030. v. 1
Shopping is one such activity which was, and which will be always there. The way of shopping has changed due to globalisation in recent years. Nowadays, people prefer to shop from big stores or malls rather than the nearby small shops. This essay will discuss how this change in shopping pattern has both pros and cons. There are many merits of shopping from a large shopping centre. To begin with, earlier people have to go to different shops to buy items they required, but now they can find everything under one roof. There is no need of hopping from one shop to another to complete the shopping list. Nowadays, time has become an important constraint which people don’t want to waste so to save time they prefer to travel to supermarkets or big stores, for instance, Walmart, to purchase the items in their list in one go. Secondly, the local shops do not have much variety to choose from but in superstores or malls there are various shops for the same merchandise providing a number of varieties for shoppers to select. On the other hand, the shopping mall and big stores are constructed in farthest point of the city and it is mainly constructed in big cities, so it is not accessible to everyone while the nearby small shops are easy to access to everyone. The other demerit is people incline to buy unnecessary items in supermarkets after watching various products on display while a small shop keeps only the necessary items. To summarise, the local shops may provide easier access, but it cannot provide a plethora of options to customers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
is one such activity which was, and which will be always there. The way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
due to
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
in recent years. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
stores or malls
rather
than the nearby
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. This essay will discuss how this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
pattern has both pros and cons.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
from a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
items they required,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they can find everything under one roof. There is no need of hopping from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
to another to complete the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
list. Nowadays, time has become an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
constraint which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t want to waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to save time they prefer to travel to supermarkets or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
stores,
for instance
, Walmart, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the items in their list in one go.
Secondly
, the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
do not have much variety to choose from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in superstores or malls there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
for the same merchandise providing a number of varieties for shoppers to select.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
stores
are constructed
in
A determiner is probably missing here: "the farthest".
farthest
point of the city and it is
mainly
constructed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
cities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is not accessible to everyone while the nearby
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are easy to access to everyone. The other demerit is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
incline to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unnecessary items in supermarkets after watching various products on display while a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the necessary items.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
may provide easier access,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it cannot provide a plethora of options to customers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by day car, bus or train between 1970 and 2030. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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