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The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by car, bus or train between 1970 and 2030. v.1

The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by car, bus or train between 1970 and 2030. v. 1
Technology has been rapidly advancing over the course of the year as there are constant productions of inventions namely mobile phones or computers. Although many people feel that these technological inventions resulted in efficiencies in daily activities, many also thought of it as a potential threat. One threat is that it is making people be less socially interactive. These might be true to some extent with the individual traits people have begun to manifest since their creation, but a part of the reason why technology is invented targeted otherwise. I disagree with the given statement since this claim might not include the various social interactions that only technology or mobile phones can achieve. The reason that technology does not result in people to socialize less is that these inventions have given people easier access to interact with other people. Technology offers numerous features such as social media, which allow people to meet and interact with others through less effort. Furthermore, interactions that happen online are not limited to time or distance. Connection with others can be easily achieved as well with people constantly sharing parts of their lives through platforms that technology has offered. Through technology, it is also more accessible to meet people who have the same interests, hobbies, or passions. This inclusivity that technology, in this case, the internet, have can serve as a motivation to interact with those online. However, some drawbacks towards peoples' social activities are also present due to these technological creations. Firstly, these inventions might act as a demotivation for people to interact with nearby people since less effort is required to have online interaction instead. People's motivation to give in the effort to do social interactions can decrease in general. The second reason being that technology allows people to receive entertainment easily and individually, thus people's dependency on others might decrease. In conclusion, technology is not making people socially less interactive as it offers easy access to social activities. Moreover, it can motivate people to reach out to others more. However, it can act as a demotivation for some people as well, due to its efficiency leading people to be less dependent on others.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has been
rapidly
advancing over the course of the year as there are constant productions of inventions
namely
mobile phones or computers. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that these technological inventions resulted in efficiencies in daily activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of it as a potential threat. One threat is that it is making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
socially
interactive. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be true to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent with the individual traits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have begun to manifest since their creation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a part of the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is invented
targeted
otherwise
. I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement since this claim
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not include the various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
or mobile phones can achieve.

The reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
does not result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to socialize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
is that these inventions have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easier access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interact
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
offers numerous features such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interact
with others through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
effort.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
that happen online are not limited to time or distance. Connection with others can be
easily
achieved
as well
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
constantly
sharing parts of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
through platforms that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has offered. Through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, it is
also
more accessible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have the same interests, hobbies, or passions. This inclusivity that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
in this case
, the internet, have can serve as a motivation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interact
with those online.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks towards peoples'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activities are
also
present due to these technological creations.
Firstly
, these inventions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
act as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
demotivation
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interact
with nearby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
effort
is required
to have online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
instead
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's motivation to give in the effort to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
can decrease
in general
. The second reason being that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to receive entertainment
easily
and
individually
,
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's dependency on others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
decrease.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is not making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
socially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
interactive as it offers easy access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activities.
Moreover
, it can motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to reach out to others more.
However
, it can act as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
demotivation
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
, due to its efficiency leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
dependent on others.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by car, bus or train between 1970 and 2030. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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