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The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters traveling each day by car, bus or train between 1970 and 2030. v.1

The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters traveling each day by car, bus or train between 1970 and 2030. v. 1
It is an irrefutable fact that nowadays people move to the other nations because of the bright future and earn money. Some people assert that The folks who settled in other countries should learn the rules and the culture of that country. In my opinion, It is a true statement and in this essay, I intend to support my views before reasonable conclusion can be drawn. There are several reasons why the mob need to follow all these steps. Firstly, Around thousands of the people move to others country all over the world. Therefore, there is no doubt, it is very hard to difficult find their own field job. Sometime, people force to do labour job and helper in the factories. According to the survey conducted by the Canadian government found that the 90 percent of the immigrants who settled in Canada as a refugee are working in a small pay-scale because of less education. Moreover, The language and the weather Is one of the major obstacles for the person who come first time in other countries. Because of this, they don’t survive in other places and some cases, people feel home sickness due to harsh weather. On the other side, the government of other countries helps those immigrants what they are facing problems and help to provide classes for improvement. Also, respect the other region's culture and followed them. For an instance, In Canada, the native people like to eat other cultural food and adopt tradition, such as Indian food, dance and festivals. To put in a nutshell, I pen down and say that people should need to understand other society traditions and also implement in their life.
It is an irrefutable fact that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the bright future and earn money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assert that The folks who settled in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should learn the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and the culture of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In my opinion, It is a true statement and in this essay, I intend to support my views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reasonable conclusion can
be drawn
.

There are several reasons why the mob need to follow all these steps.
Firstly
, Around thousands of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
all over the world.
Therefore
, there is no doubt, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to difficult find their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
field job. Sometime,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
force
Did you mean "doing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'force' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to do
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
job and helper in the factories. According to the survey conducted by the Canadian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
found that the 90 percent of the immigrants who settled in Canada as a refugee are working in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
pay-scale
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of less education.

Moreover
, The language and the weather Is one of the major obstacles for the person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
first
time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Because of this
, they don’t survive in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
places and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel home sickness due to harsh weather.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
those immigrants what they are facing problems and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to provide classes for improvement.
Also
, respect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
region's culture and followed them. For an instance, In Canada, the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultural food and adopt tradition, such as Indian food, dance and festivals.

To put in a nutshell, I pen down and say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should need to understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
society traditions and
also
implement in their life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters traveling each day by car, bus or train between 1970 and 2030. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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