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The graph below shows the unemployment rates in two European countries since 2000 and predicted unemployment rates until 2020. v.1

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in two European countries since 2000 and predicted unemployment rates until 2020. v. 1
The crime rate is the biggest issue in the majority of the world. Although a myriad of reason has an effect on the sprawling the guilt, the lack of learning systems induces kind of this action particularly in the poor countries. However, some govern, whose hold excellent economy, can not authorize their education system. Every citizen includes part of a school in once their lives. As some people spend more time, others no. So that, people have to contribute school according to their legislation system. However, some countries do not attach importance to their student due to the poor economy, illiterate government or ignorant compatriots. The lack of education has effect on different problem in the country security organization. Thus, too much guilt people might walk around on the street. For instance, the citizen cannot learn to obey rules or not eligibility of their social level. In addition, They can not find a vacancy as their skills. So, people would drop into a crime hotbed to make money. The result of all makes too much gangsters, money frauds, robbers. On the that line, Some serious crime increase, which is killers or kidnaps. The main idea is that the solution seems complicated, but, the basic improvements would be fixed in the essence. However, the processing might run significantly slow that the student should finish their scholarship in many years. So, the govern have to control the families. They would organize benefit events about crimes or social facilities. The family can enhance the child's culture level as limited of their qualifications. To conclude, as it is seen that the problem will not solve. Because, the system is impacted on several parameters. Thus, the government should focus into the knowledge of older families. Indeed, The prediction this essay that the crimes will be over rate among the countries.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is the biggest issue in the majority of the world. Although a myriad of reason has an effect on the sprawling the guilt, the lack of learning systems induces kind of this action
particularly
in the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
govern, whose hold excellent economy, can not authorize their education system.

Every citizen includes part of a school in once their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend more time, others no.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
contribute school according to their legislation system.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
do not attach importance to their student due to the poor economy, illiterate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or ignorant compatriots. The lack of education has effect on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
problem in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
security organization.
Thus
, too much guilt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might walk around on the street.
For instance
, the citizen cannot learn to obey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
or not eligibility of their social level.
In addition
, They can not find a vacancy as their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would drop into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
hotbed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money. The result of all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
too
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
gangsters, money frauds, robbers. On the that line,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
increase, which is killers or kidnaps.

The main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that the solution seems complicated,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, the basic improvements would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
in the essence.
However
, the processing might run
significantly
slow that the student should finish their scholarship in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'govern' is correct. If 'govern' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the govern
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
control the families. They would organize benefit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
or social facilities. The family can enhance the child's culture level as limited of their qualifications.

To conclude
, as it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the problem will not solve.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, the system
is impacted
on several parameters.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should focus into the knowledge of older families.
Indeed
, The prediction this essay that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
will be over rate among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows the unemployment rates in two European countries since 2000 and predicted unemployment rates until 2020. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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