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Topic: Nowadays, celebrities increasingly have the status of role models, in particular for younger people. Do you see this as a positive or negative development? v.1

Topic: Nowadays, celebrities increasingly have the status of role models, in particular for younger people. Do you see this as a positive or negative development? v. 1
Having a command on mother language of the nation, in which a person resides, plays a vital role for him/her. It is argued by some that people learn external linguistics, either for study or work abroad, whereas others consider the different purposes expect the given; however, in my opinion, multiple other motives exists to grip on overseas language. First of all, one of the predominant purpose is cost of trade among the countries because it is necessary to understand the requirements and feedback of customer(s) living across the country. Usually, when a company exports their goods to external countries they hire translators from those lands; which results in higher cost, that consequently impacts the gross profit of that company. The back to back communication with that translator is a barer between client and provider, which also wastes time, and time is directly proportional to cost. Amazon ltd and Ali Baba are the best examples, where multiple countries hosted their global business without learning overseas language(s) and not even employed a linguistic master, to reduce the cost; faced dramatic fall in their sales and received poor feedback. In this case, should company close their trade or keep suffering through cost? therefore, seeking the languages is beneficial in overcoming the cost. Moreover, English, the world recognized language is now compulsory in most of countries, where it is not the first language. Because, most of the books, articles, research work, etc. , are all written in English, and available across the world. I have been through an article and recapitulated that, around 30% of pupils in developing countries are griping on English to meet worldwide education standards. So, learning English is a must now. To sum up, people are of dissimilar views regarding learning foreign languages, I agree with those who believe there are many other reasons for learning foreign languages rather than for study or work.
Having a command on mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
of the nation, in which a person resides, plays a vital role for him/her. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
learn external linguistics, either for study or work abroad, whereas others consider the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
;
however
, in my opinion, multiple other motives exists to grip on overseas language.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one of the predominant purpose is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of trade among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is necessary to understand the requirements and feedback of customer(s) living across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Usually
, when a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
exports their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
to external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
they hire translators from those lands; which results in higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
, that
consequently
impacts the gross profit of that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. The back to back communication with that translator is a barer between client and provider, which
also
wastes time, and time is
directly
proportional to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
. Amazon ltd and Ali Baba are the best examples, where multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
hosted their global business without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language(s)
and not even employed a linguistic master, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
; faced dramatic fall in their sales and received poor feedback.
In this case
, should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
close their trade or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
suffering through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
therefore
, seeking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
is beneficial in overcoming the cost.

Moreover
, English, the world recognized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
compulsory in most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, where it is not the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, most of the books, articles, research work, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
are all written in English, and available across the world. I have been through an article and recapitulated that, around 30% of pupils in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are griping on English to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
worldwide education standards.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
English is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

To sum up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of dissimilar views regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who believe there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
rather
than for study or work.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic: Nowadays, celebrities increasingly have the status of role models, in particular for younger people. Do you see this as a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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