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the graph below show the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v.1

the graph below show the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v. 1
Who can yield more benefits to society: an educated person or someone without training? Since education is one of a fundamental right, some people assume that it should be for free regardless of personal luxuriousness. I completely concede that studying options should be guaranteed by the government to everyone as a part of social programs. Society is a place where individuals are the keys to success. Providing basic needs for free such as study, workplaces, health, and social protection is the primary function of the community performed by the regulatory body through various programs. Having learned citizens who bring profits is in the interest of any institution. As a long-term investor of education, the government receives valuable outcomes, which allows obtaining a stable and prosperous population. Moreover, a graduated person will reimburse to the authorities many times through his activities, in other words, will be more cable to represent the union, improve the economy, provide support to the law, pay taxes, and others. Another point to consider is that education level mainly indicates the development and prosperity of society. The provision of free studying programs to all people should open doors to new achievements and discoveries. This is not only about schooling, which allows learning nuts and bolts, but also regarding colleges and universities, where students mostly receive their further professions. No developed community can be without the medical system, for instance, which means that doctors are essential jobs, and consequently, their education should be covered by the government. In conclusion, gaining different stages of studies creates opportunities to improve skills, and to implement knowledge though everyday life, which beneficial to society. I believe, that to deal with the equal availability of education to everyone by realizing a high level of commitment from both parties, government, and individuals, is the most effective way.
Who can yield more benefits to society: an educated person or someone without training? Since
education
is one of a fundamental right,
some
people
assume that it should be for free regardless of personal luxuriousness. I completely concede that studying options should
be guaranteed
by the
government
to everyone as a part of social programs.

Society is a place where individuals are the keys to success. Providing basic needs for free such as study, workplaces, health, and social protection is the primary function of the community performed by the regulatory body through various programs. Having learned citizens who bring profits is in the interest of any institution. As a long-term investor of
education
, the
government
receives valuable outcomes, which
allows
obtaining a stable and prosperous population.
Moreover
, a graduated person will reimburse to the authorities
many
times through his activities,
in other words
, will be more cable to represent the union,
improve
the economy, provide support to the law, pay taxes,
and others
.

Another point to consider is that
education
level
mainly
indicates the development and prosperity of society. The provision of free studying programs to all
people
should open doors to new achievements and discoveries. This is not
only
about schooling, which
allows
learning nuts and bolts,
but
also
regarding colleges and universities, where students
mostly
receive their
further
professions. No developed community can be without the medical system,
for instance
, which means that doctors are essential jobs, and
consequently
, their
education
should
be covered
by the
government
.

In conclusion
, gaining
different
stages of studies creates opportunities to
improve
skills
, and to implement knowledge though everyday life, which beneficial to society. I believe, that to deal with the equal availability of
education
to everyone by realizing a high level of commitment from both parties,
government
, and individuals, is the most effective way.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay the graph below show the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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