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Many people think that money is the best gift to give a teenager, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion including relevant examples. v.3

Many people think that money is the best gift to give a teenager, but others disagree. v. 3
In many nations around the world, criminals are sentenced to imprisonment for a specific period of time according to the gravity of their crime. Even so, many people believe that repeated crimes can be prevented by providing proper education to the lawbreakers and it is the most effective solution. I completely disagree with this statement as I believe that law illiteracy is not the reason for most of the crimes. The reasons for my view will be stated in this essay before arriving at a conclusion. The most compelling reason for holding my view is that most criminals caught in recent times are highly educated. These people already have immense knowledge about the seriousness of the offence and the punishment associated with it. However, they continue to be involved in such punishable criminal offences and get caught by the law enforcement agencies. For instance, a police statement revealed that a recent bank robbery in Kerala, India was carried out by a group of engineers who were aware of the consequences of the crime and its impact on the society. Another reason for my position is that some crimes are intolerable by the law. Those who commit serious crimes which become a threat to the society deserve imprisonment. Additionally, some extreme criminals who are involved in terrorism or premeditated murders must get capital punishment because they are a threat to the nation. Furthermore, almost every educational system in the world has a curriculum that teaches the basic values needed to be a good citizen. Thus, giving education after committing crimes does not really change the mentality of offenders and they continue to do illegal acts since they are conscious of what they are committing In conclusion, I totally disagree with the opinion that educating criminals is the right solution to deter them from committing further crimes. This is because offenders already have the understanding of the after effects of breaking a law, which they gained through their basic education. Additionally, serious criminals need to be eliminated or isolated from the society to ensure that everyone has a safe place to live in a country.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations around the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are sentenced
to imprisonment for a specific period of time according to the gravity of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that repeated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by providing proper education to the lawbreakers and it is the most effective solution. I completely disagree with this statement as I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
illiteracy is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for my view will
be stated
in this essay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
arriving at a conclusion.

The most compelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for holding my view is that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
caught in recent times are
highly
educated. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
already have immense knowledge about the seriousness of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
and the punishment associated with it.
However
, they continue to
be involved
in such punishable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
caught by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
enforcement agencies.
For instance
, a police statement revealed that a recent bank robbery in Kerala, India
was carried
out by a group of engineers who were aware of the consequences of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and its impact on the society.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for my position is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are intolerable by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
. Those who commit serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
which become a threat to the society deserve imprisonment.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who
are involved
in terrorism or premeditated murders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
capital punishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are a threat to the nation.
Furthermore
, almost every educational system in the world has a curriculum that teaches the basic values needed to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen.
Thus
, giving education after committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
does not
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the mentality of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
offenders and
they continue to do illegal acts since they are conscious of what they are committing

In conclusion
, I
totally
disagree with the opinion that educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
is the right solution to deter them from committing
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
offenders already have the understanding of the after effects of breaking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
, which they gained through their basic education.
Additionally
, serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
need to
be eliminated
or isolated from the society to ensure that everyone has a safe place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a country.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that money is the best gift to give a teenager, but others disagree. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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