Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people believe that its better to learn something in a group rather than individually. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Many people believe that its better to learn something in a group rather than individually. v. 4
Children are habitually brought up with a set of rules and regulations around them. Mainly of these rules are imposed by their parents and tutors in array to make them well behaving individual and to preserve from any dangers. I totally agree with the argument that children ought to have more freedom. However, they should be monitored and made to follow the rules that are set out for them. On the one hand, children to endure the tension and problems. When they are contracted freedom they have the opportunity to talk about their problems to their parents and teachers. For instance, today's children’s enjoy more freedom with their parents and they talk things openly. Since they offer, thisthis freedom we get to know what problems they face and we can guide them on their issues. Whereas, when children do not have the freedom to express their problems with their parents, they go into melancholy because they are vexed and petrified. On the other hand, it is imperative that strict rules and guidelines should be made for children. Children’s are too young to understand what is good and bad. It is the conscientiousness of teachers and parents to ensure that kids are brought up by following the rules they have set. Likewise, making children follow rules from a young age will benefit them when they grow up because even adults are asked to follow rules such as traffic rules, and so on. To conclude, under the guidance of parents and teachers' kids have to be given their freedom. This freedom given to them can sometimes create wonders in their life by helping them find what they like doing. At the same time, they should be monitored and must be asked to strictly adhere to the rules that are set at school and home.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are
habitually
brought up with a set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and regulations around them.
Mainly
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are imposed
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and tutors in array to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them well behaving individual and to preserve from any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
.
However
, they should
be monitored
and made to follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
that
are set
out for them.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to endure the tension and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. When they
are contracted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
they have the opportunity to talk about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
enjoy more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
they talk things
openly
. Since they offer,
Possible spelling mistake found.
thisthis
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
they
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
face and
we can guide them on their issues. Whereas, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to express their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they go into melancholy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are vexed
and petrified.

On the other hand
, it is imperative that strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and guidelines should
be made
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children’s
are too young to understand what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. It is the conscientiousness of teachers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to ensure that kids
are brought
up by following the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
they have set.
Likewise
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
from a young age will benefit them when they grow up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
even adults
are asked
to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
such as traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

To conclude
, under the guidance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers' kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
create wonders in their life by helping them find what they like doing. At the same time, they should
be monitored
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This is a collocation error. You do not need a preposition after 'asked'. Remove it: "asked".
asked to
strictly
adhere to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
that
are set
at school and home.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that its better to learn something in a group rather than individually. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts