Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USAbetween 1920 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and makecomparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. v.2

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USAbetween 1920 and 2000.
The line chart depicts the information regarding the fluctuations in new born rates of China and USA for a span of 8 decades, from 1920 to 2000. It is clear from the data that, during the initial period of 1920' s the birth rate of China and USA were almost the same, showed a mere difference of 2% and a slow upward trend. But after the 5 yers of time, in 1925 both nations birth rate dipped to it' s original figure of 1920 (10% and 12% respectively). In 1925, both regime' s figures showed an increasing trend again. Whereas, China' s new born rate reached not so high as figure of 15% in 1935. From 1935 to 1950, China and USA figures reflected some fluctuations and reached its all time high proportion of 20% and 15% respectively. China' s figures faced a steep decline in the year 1955 by more than below half percentage of previous recorded numbers and continued this trend till the year 2000. There it touched almost the rock bottom point of 2%. While, USA also showed the same downward trend but not that much as china. USA figures at the end of the the millennium was 7%. In conclusion, Both countries started off with an increasing trend and reached their high percentages during the year of 1950. At the same time their new born rates reduced drastically over the period of 80 years of time.
The line chart depicts the information regarding the fluctuations in new born
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of China and USA for a span of 8 decades, from 1920 to 2000.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the data that, during the initial period of 1920' s the birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of China and USA were almost the same,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a mere difference of 2% and a slow upward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
after the 5
Possible spelling mistake found.
yers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, in 1925 both nations birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
dipped to
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of 1920 (10% and 12%
respectively
). In 1925, both
Possible spelling mistake found.
regime&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
again. Whereas,
Possible spelling mistake found.
China&
#039; s new born
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
reached not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
high as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of 15% in 1935.

From 1935 to 1950, China and USA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
reflected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations and reached its all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
high proportion of 20% and 15%
respectively
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
China&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
faced a steep decline in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1955 by more than below half percentage of previous recorded numbers and continued this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
till the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2000. There it touched almost the rock bottom point of 2%. While, USA
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the same downward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not that much as china. USA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
millennium was 7%.

In conclusion
, Both countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
off with an increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
and reached their high percentages during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 1950.

At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
their new born
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
drastically
over the period of 80 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USAbetween 1920 and 2000.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts