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The line graph compares birth rates in China and the US and how these rates changed from 1920 to 2000 v.1

The line graph compares birth rates in China and the US and how these rates changed from 1920 to 2000 v. 1
So here we will be talking about the viewpoint of different persons in which some of them believes that co- education should not be there and some of them believes that co-education actually improves the overall performances of children. So here I will be talking about why it shouldn't be there, like why boys and girls should learn separately. One of the main pros would be the distraction part, because at that age, it's difficult to comprehend the difference between what is right and what is wrong, so at adolescence age students might have distractions if they study with each other and might end up loosing the cause of their aim. Second issue would be the gender based competition and prejudice, sometimes even teachers used to give benefits to some children because of their sex, which might demoralize the opposite gender. In this para I will be discussing about how studying at a same institute helps, in this way children would be more developed as from the younger age they would be able to know how to get along with each other better, and also they would be able to learn about the opposite sex as well, and also studying together both sexes can take advantage of their different thinking and apply the synergy which will boost the overall performances of each other. Another thing would be to impress the opposite sex by helping each other and scoring good scores which will promote a healthy competition. So in the end, I would like to conclude that students should study together as it is more efficient than studying separately in different premises.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
here we will be talking about the viewpoint of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
persons in which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them believes that co- education should not be there and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them believes that co-education actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the
overall
performances of children.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
here I will be talking about why it shouldn't be there, like why boys and girls should learn
separately
. One of the main pros would be the distraction part,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at that age, it's difficult to comprehend the difference between what is right and what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
at adolescence age students might have distractions if they study with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up
Did you mean "losing the"?
loosing the
cause of their aim. Second issue would be the gender based competition and prejudice,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
even teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to give benefits to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
, which might demoralize the opposite gender.

In this para I will be
Did you mean simply "discussing how"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discussing about how
studying at a same institute
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
, in this way children would be more developed as from the younger age they would be able to know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
better, and
also
they would be able to learn about the opposite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
as well
, and
also
studying together both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sexes
can take advantage of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
thinking and apply the synergy which will boost the
overall
performances of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Another thing would be to impress the opposite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
by helping each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and scoring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
scores which will promote a healthy competition.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I would like
to conclude
that students should study together as it is more efficient than studying
separately
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
premises.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The line graph compares birth rates in China and the US and how these rates changed from 1920 to 2000 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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