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The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. v.1

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. v. 1
People, for the time being, frequently use the World Wide Web and rarely communicate with each other; however, overall I think it is more a beneficial growth because virtual communication is an inevitable change in people's life. The main reason this preference the fact what virtual space makes everyday life of people easier and comfortable, thereby quickly gain popularity of society. Firstly, the advantage of such development is providing wider opportunities for communication. For example, people via Skype, Viber or other software can always stay in touch with friends, relatives, or collaborators from different countries. Moreover, social sites allow finding like-minded people and help people with agoraphobia or other problems speak with people around the world. Secondly, business with online shops expand the borders for sales that have a positive impact on an income, and makes life customer easier. For example, eBay famous everywhere because it has manufacturers from different countries. However, people cannot decline what the growth of the online area has drawbacks; and most important is dangerous because having many new type frauds that labelled now the cyber crime. For example, the World Wide Web has many viruses that can control personal computers, or stealing your private information or, even, money from a credit card. Likewise, the internet much time is used for bullying and in other dirty goals. For instance, youth tend to post offensive posts about people who less popular or weaker in their opinion. Besides, a society notices what people who use online area frequently catch in some type addicts afterwards have less interest in study and work. To conclude, presently people live in the era technical progress, therefore they cannot ignore advantages that provide new technology. Moreover, a society can evade all drawbacks if use the internet carefully and enhance security for users. Therefore, I believe what a virtual area is beneficial evolution with many opportunities for everybody.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
, for the time being,
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the World Wide Web and rarely communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
;
however
,
overall
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
Did you mean "a more beneficial"?
more a beneficial
growth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
virtual communication is an inevitable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life.

The main reason this preference the fact what virtual space
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
everyday life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easier and comfortable, thereby
quickly
gain popularity of society.

Firstly
, the advantage of such development is providing wider opportunities for communication.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
via Skype,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viber
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
software can always stay in touch with friends, relatives, or collaborators from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries.
Moreover
, social sites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
finding like-minded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with agoraphobia or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
problems speak with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world.
Secondly
, business with online shops expand the borders for sales that have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on an income, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
life customer easier.
For example
, eBay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
everywhere
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has manufacturers from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot decline what the growth of the online area has drawbacks; and most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new type frauds that labelled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the cyber crime.
For example
, the World Wide Web has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
viruses that can control personal computers, or stealing your private information or, even, money from a credit card.
Likewise
, the internet much time is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for bullying and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
dirty goals.
For instance
, youth tend to post offensive posts about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who less popular or weaker in their opinion.
Besides
, a society notices what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
online area
frequently
catch in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
type addicts afterwards have less interest in study and work.

To conclude
,
presently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the era technical progress,
therefore
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
advantages that provide new technology.
Moreover
, a society can evade all drawbacks if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet
carefully
and enhance security for users.
Therefore
, I believe what a virtual area is beneficial evolution with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities for everybody.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
314 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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