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The graph and table below give informatio about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. v.1

The graph and table below give informatio about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. v. 1
For being healthy, people organise sports events like the Olympics or world cup; however, some people advocate that a good health comes through different types of activities such as doing workout, healthy diet, and staying away from tension. To begin with, several organizations manage programs related to sports to encourage the common people to take part in these games such as cricket, football, swimming, and so on, to name but a few. Inviting people to participate in such games, myriads of people, who are unwell and suffering from various types of diseases such as back pain, muscle disorder, height-related issues, are motivated to implement the task assigned by the authority of event organizers. Thinking that if they do such activities, it would help them to cure ailments. They, eventually, will get a robust body and mind. Moreover, engaging in sports not only make their brain active, but it also succours to relieve pain. In contrast, besides participating in sports, some people believe that if people, invariably, do regular physical exercise such as walking, running, weight lifting, et Cetra, they will lead a healthy life. What is more, people should eat healthy food which has no sugar, fat, cholesterol. In fact, the pressure of work and family problem may increase psychosomatic ailments, so that people have to keep themselves away from tension. In conclusion, although Olympic and world cup organizers organise events for pooling ordinary people to become a part of these events which, consequently, would restrain them from various diseases and would not be unhealthy in the long run, many people think opposite like corporal exercise, balance diet, and remaining tension free - all these help people to stay healthy.
For being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like the Olympics or world cup;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advocate that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of activities such as doing workout,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet, and staying away from tension.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, several organizations manage programs related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to encourage the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in these games such as cricket, football, swimming, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few. Inviting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to participate in such games, myriads of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are unwell and suffering from various types of diseases such as back pain, muscle disorder, height-related issues,
are motivated
to implement the task assigned by the authority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
organizers. Thinking that if they do such activities, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to cure ailments. They,
eventually
, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a robust body and mind.
Moreover
, engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their brain active,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
succours
to relieve pain.

In contrast
,
besides
participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
invariably
, do regular physical exercise such as walking, running, weight lifting,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
, they will lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life.
What is more
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food which has no sugar,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, cholesterol. In fact, the pressure of work and family problem may increase psychosomatic ailments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves away from tension.

In conclusion
, although Olympic and world cup organizers
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
for pooling ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become a part of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
which,
consequently
, would restrain them from various diseases and would not be unhealthy in the long run,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
opposite like corporal exercise, balance diet, and remaining tension free
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
all these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay The graph and table below give informatio about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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