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Some say that it would be better if the majority of emloyees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace everyday. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages. v.1

Some say that it would be better if the majority of emloyees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace everyday. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages. v. 1
Introducing a new language in elementary school curriculum is considered as more effective than teaching the same at secondary school. In my opinion, I consider that earlier learning can bring about more advantages for children when compared to minor drawbacks that it might bring. Despite the drawbacks mentioned below, I believe that benefits gained by learning an additional language is extremely useful for their future. Firstly, knowing a foreign language at a young age is easier and faster than learning at an older age. The children could pick up the pronunciation more easily as they learn it sub-consciously. Also, they learn with no shy and talk freely without any fear of making mistakes. Secondly, teaching young children bilingual education has a positive impact on their personality as it broadens their horizons and improves their social skills in dealing with foreign people and exposing them a wide range of cultures. Admittedly, it has some issues involved when pupils speak modern vocabulary. One problem is that it could affect their ability to learn their mother tongue properly and they might get confused by learning many different languages with different grammar and pronunciation at the same time. Secondly, it could be a waste of their hours of study which could be spent on learning core subjects such as mathematics, sciences, technology etc. To conclude, language acquisition is a gradual process. The sooner it begins, the better the results will be. I believe that careful lesson planning can make the entire learning experience enjoyable and rewarding for every child and clearly outweigh any disadvantages.
Introducing a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in elementary school curriculum
is considered
as more effective than teaching the same at secondary school. In my opinion, I consider that earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
can bring about more advantages for children when compared to minor drawbacks that it might bring.

Despite the drawbacks mentioned below, I believe that benefits gained by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
an additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is
extremely
useful for their future.
Firstly
, knowing a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at a young age is easier and faster than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
at an older age. The children could pick up the pronunciation more
easily
as they learn it sub-
consciously
.
Also
, they learn with no shy and talk
freely
without any fear of making mistakes.
Secondly
, teaching young children bilingual education has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on their personality as it broadens their horizons and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in dealing with foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and exposing them a wide range of cultures.

Admittedly
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues involved when pupils speak modern vocabulary. One problem is that it could affect their ability to learn their mother tongue
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
properly and
they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
confused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
grammar and pronunciation at the same time.
Secondly
, it could be a waste of their hours of study which could
be spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
core subjects such as mathematics, sciences, technology etc.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
acquisition is a gradual process. The sooner it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
, the better the results will be. I believe that careful lesson planning can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
experience enjoyable and rewarding for every child and
clearly
outweigh any disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that it would be better if the majority of emloyees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace everyday. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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