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the graph and table show info about water use worldwide and water consumption in 2 countries. v.1

the graph and table show info about water use worldwide and water consumption in 2 countries. v. 1
In the era of globalization, millions of students are crossing the boundaries of their countries with the purpose of acquiring further education. Though many academicians and so-called educated people vociferously oppose the concept of foreign education on account of the dangers involved in landing on unfamiliar land, I partially disagree with this view. I also reserve some arguments to refute this view. First and foremost reason for advocating the concept of study oversees is a global exposure it gives to the learners. Holding an international degree provides a global recognition as well as a wider range of opportunities for employment. In other words, it booms employability so students do not have to struggle for survival in the global competitive market. Another major factor which fascinates me to support further education in abroad is that studying in another country brings so many positive aspects to the students themselves. Firstly, by studying in a new country, students have a chance to learn new languages and new cultures. Secondly, students will learn about how to live independently, like clean their own rooms or doing the laundry by themselves. Lastly, they could make new friends with people from other countries and get familiar with multicultural environment. And these are the reasons, students can feel a thrill in learning on foreign soil because they find different lifestyle, food, and dressing which can help them to overcome the problem of nostalgia. On the other hand, migrating to the other land sometimes invites many threats which make their life harder. Besides this, an expensive education which compels them to do a part-time job which many times result into distraction from study. In a nutshell, foreign education can undoubtedly be a greater challenge for an individual if a student is not dedicated towards his future career. But, in my opinion, uncountable merits of foreign study outweigh its disadvantages.
In the era of globalization, millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are crossing the boundaries of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with the purpose of acquiring
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
academicians and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
vociferously
oppose the concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
on account of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
involved in landing on unfamiliar land, I
partially
disagree with this view. I
also
reserve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments to refute this view.

First
and foremost reason for advocating the concept of study oversees is a global exposure it gives to the learners. Holding an international degree provides a global recognition
as well
as a wider range of opportunities for employment. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, it booms employability
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle for survival in the global competitive market.

Another major factor which fascinates me to support
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in abroad is that studying in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
themselves.
Firstly
, by studying in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a chance to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
languages and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
cultures.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will learn about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
, like clean their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
rooms or doing the laundry by themselves.
Lastly
, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with multicultural environment. And these are the reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can feel a thrill in learning on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
soil
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
lifestyle, food, and dressing which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to overcome the problem of nostalgia.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, migrating to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
land
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
invites
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
threats which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their life harder.
Besides
this, an expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
which compels them to do a part-time job which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times result into distraction from study.

In a nutshell,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can
undoubtedly
be a greater challenge for an individual if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is not dedicated towards his future career.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in my opinion, uncountable merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
study outweigh its disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay the graph and table show info about water use worldwide and water consumption in 2 countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
310 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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