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The government’s investment in arts, music and theater is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.1

The government’s investment in arts, music and theater is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead. v. 1
There is a claim that invest state budget on arts, music and theaters is a waste of money, thus state budget should use for public service. Even though I agree that public service is more crucial but government should set a side budget for development of art and culture sector. Art and culture sector might not always help solving major issue for societies especially in the level of national economic. So, the state budget should be used for upgrading public service such as healthcare, education or infrastructure. An improved public service can improve overall quality of life of locals and it is vitally important for their well-being. For instance, locals can live without going to theater for recreation but absence of health care service will create serious problem for the citizens. This is a reason why the governments should consider public service investment as a priority sector. On the other hand, investing in arts, music and theaters is not a waste of money, because they are part of culture and society which carries from generation to generation. Arts are not always known as paintings or crafts but arts can represent in old building architectures and poems. Sometimes those ancient arts and cultures can also generate money for local or for society. For example, a public museum can display valuable sculptures or can show historical documentary films for young generation to learn about history, at the same time it can generate money from cultural tourism. This type of tourism attracts tourists who travel to learn about different cultures and histories. In conclusion, government should consider public service as a main investment priory and spends major portion of the funds to upgrade public service and follow by arts, music and theaters. Because both of them play important roles in different aspects.
There is a claim that invest state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, music and theaters is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
thus
state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
.
Even though
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is more crucial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should set a side
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
for development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
sector.

Art and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
sector might not always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to solve" or "solve".
solving
major issue for societies
especially
in the level of national economic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for upgrading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
such as healthcare, education or infrastructure. An
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
overall
quality of life of locals and it is
vitally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their well-being.
For instance
, locals can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theater
for recreation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
absence of health care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
will create serious problem for the citizens. This is a reason why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
investment as a priority sector.

On the other hand
, investing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, music and theaters is not a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and society which carries from generation to generation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
are not always known as paintings or crafts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
can represent in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
building architectures and poems.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
those ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
can
also
generate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for local or for society.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
museum can display valuable sculptures or can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
historical documentary films for young generation to learn about history, at the same time it can generate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from cultural tourism. This type of tourism attracts tourists who travel to learn about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and histories.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
as a main investment priory and spends major portion of the funds to upgrade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
and follow by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, music and theaters.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
both of them play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
roles in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The government’s investment in arts, music and theater is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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