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The government’s investment in arts, music and theater is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.2

The government must use the fund on public services instead of investing in music and theater which is not unnecessary expense. I believe that this statement is practical to the people don’t have money public services compare to the arts and music. Many reason to invest the money on the public service is, it will help to the other people specially to the poorer person. For example is giving financial support for education, for food and health services, to the employment, to wider some roads and giving support to the citizens of the country. The government must pay attention on the public services more than music and theater, which is the richest people can enjoy that. While the poorer people are more struggling on how to support their needs. If the government helps to the people who want to finish their studies. By giving financial support to them, they can achieve their dreams and one day they will contribute their knowledge to the country. On the other hand the reason why not spending money in public services is because some people abuse the government. They just want is, asking support from the government. They are not using their ability to be successful there life. They became lazy because they know the government will support them. In conclusion the government must not spend the money in some activities such as music and theater instead they should invest on public services specially in education, which they can contribute to society and nation.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the fund on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
instead
of investing in music and theater which is not unnecessary expense. I believe that this statement is practical to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
compare to the arts and music.

Possible agreement error. The noun reason seems to be countable; consider using: “Many reasons”.
Many reason
to invest the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
specially
to the poorer person.
For example
is giving financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
for education, for food and health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, to the employment, to wider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
roads and giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
to the citizens of the country. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay attention on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
more than music and theater, which is the richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy that.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more struggling on how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
their needs.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to finish their studies. By giving financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
to them, they can achieve their dreams and one day they will contribute their knowledge to the country.

On the other hand
the reason why not spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
abuse the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want is, asking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. They are not using their ability to be successful there life.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
became lazy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
them.

In conclusion
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not spend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities such as music and theater
instead
they should invest on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
specially
in education, which they can contribute to society and nation.
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IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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