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Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.8

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. v. 8
The vast majority spends whole their life by working in the same workplace. Most people tell that's not more beneficial as much as working in different organisations. I prefer the second one until finding the job which gives more satisfaction. Overall no matter what kind of job it is we have to explore it before begin working in that company which we chose because we need to know what benefits it has for us. It's a good idea to research while studying at university or college that we can get detailed information about what we want to do. It's clear that both views have advantages and disadvantages. People who want to be master in their sector so they should work for the same company because they can learn every single detail and tricks about their work. But if they come to wrong place which is a little bit boring for them so then anyway they are going to leave this occupation in short time. Beforehand we need to know everything about that responsibility and research on it how perfect it would be and fits us. In my point of view people always look for a vacancy which is more interesting and that way employee gets more satisfaction from it. Sometimes we make mistake about choosing a job that is suitable for us cause of lack of trusted data about it. That's why if we start to explore all types of jobs in various organisations in advance it would be great. Because with time the possibilities decrease. In conclusion, it's a good idea to research on the job and corporations we want to work for. If it corresponds you it's ok to stay in. If you don't see it so interesting for you wait a little time till you like it after that you can search another one that is much more beneficial.
The vast majority spends whole their life by working in the same workplace. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
that's not more beneficial as much as working in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
. I prefer the second one until finding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which gives more satisfaction.

Overall
no matter what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
it is we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
explore it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
Did you mean "begins"?
begin
working in that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which we chose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we need to know what benefits it has for us. It's a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to research while studying at university or college that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
detailed information about what we want to do.

It's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that both views have advantages and disadvantages.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who want to be master in their sector
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should work for the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can learn every single detail and tricks about their work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
place which is a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
boring for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
then anyway they are going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
this occupation in short time. Beforehand we need to know everything about that responsibility and research on it how perfect it would be and fits us.

In my point of view
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always look for a vacancy which is more interesting and that way employee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more satisfaction from it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistake about choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that is
suitable for us cause of lack of trusted data about it. That's why if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to explore all types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in various
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
in advance it would be great.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
with time the possibilities decrease.

In conclusion
, it's a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to research on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and corporations we want to work for.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
it corresponds you it's ok to stay in. If you don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
interesting for you wait a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time till you like it after that you can search another one
that is
much more beneficial.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
312 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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