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the government’s investment in arts, music and drama is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public health services instead. To what extend do you agree with this statement. v.2

the government’s investment in arts, music and drama is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public health services instead. v. 2
The rate at which entertainment industries are being attended to globally is on the rise. Hence, much of the budgets of nations are allocated to that industry, whereas, a lot more people object to this growing trend on the assumption that financing the medical sector is key. Nonetheless, I support that entertaining the citizenry should be prioritized. To begin with, investing in the hospitals may be of benefit, but only to a minor set of the population. This argument undoubtedly proves that only a minute people may ever visit a clinic in their entire lifetime and a few more may ever have medical issues. For instance, since I was born, I have never been to the hospital, and clearly I may never go to one because I engage in a healthy lifestyle, therefore, that may prevent me from ever needing health care assistance. On the other hand, I undeniably enjoy leisure. Considering that not everyone visits the hospital, but someway individuals may benefit from being entertained. Additionally, prevention is cheaper than medicine. This is to mean that if more resources are allotted for public enjoyment, sicknesses such as hypertension, high blood pressure may be avoided, similarly, sensitization for HIV, Cancer and other deadly diseases could be curbed. As a Proof, I got a proper and well established knowledge of Aids from an episode on television. Clearly, preventive enlightenments are passed on to better avoid sickness. To conclude, although the wellness of individuals are most important. Disbursing a lot of cash is not an ideal way either. Rather, more financial commitments should be placed on public gratification.
The rate at which entertainment industries are
being attended
to globally is on the rise.
Hence
, much of the budgets of nations
are allocated
to that industry, whereas, a lot more
people
object to this growing trend on the assumption that financing the medical sector is key. Nonetheless, I support that entertaining the citizenry should
be prioritized
.

To
begin
with, investing in the hospitals may be of benefit,
but
only
to a minor set of the population. This argument
undoubtedly
proves that
only
a minute
people
may ever visit a clinic in their entire lifetime and a few more may ever have medical issues.
For instance
, since I
was born
, I have never been to the hospital, and
clearly
I may never go to one
because
I engage in a healthy lifestyle,
therefore
, that may
prevent
me from ever needing health care assistance.
On the other hand
, I
undeniably
enjoy leisure. Considering that not everyone visits the hospital,
but
someway individuals may benefit from
being entertained
.

Additionally
, prevention is cheaper than medicine. This is to mean that if more resources
are allotted
for public enjoyment, sicknesses such as hypertension, high blood pressure may
be avoided
,
similarly
, sensitization for HIV, Cancer and other deadly diseases could
be curbed
. As a Proof, I
got
a proper and well established knowledge of Aids from an episode on television.
Clearly
, preventive
enlightenments
are passed
on to better avoid sickness.

To conclude
, although the wellness of individuals are most
important
. Disbursing
a lot of
cash is not an ideal way either.
Rather
, more financial commitments should
be placed
on public gratification.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay the government’s investment in arts, music and drama is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public health services instead. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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