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Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. v. 2
It is true that sport is getting more and more popular. Some people think that physical strength is necessary for victory in sport, whereas other people are of the opinion that mental agility is more vital. Although there are many various views, I still believe that athletes’ success demands for both two physically and mentally approaches. Apparently, physical training takes up a lot in sports players’ success. First and foremost, if competitors have a perfectly-trained body shape, they might find it easy to defeat their opponents. Those who claim that physical fitness is the main ingredient of their success base on the idea that most winners may spend their whole time on practicing their fitness. For instance, some sports such as Boxing, participants who receive more training will have more chance to win. There is a very famous quote which indicates that physical strength: “Practice makes perfect”. Nevertheless, mental attitudes are not without necessity in most successful matches. To begin with, athletes those who have positive self-esteem push themselves for winning the match. They will feel more confident, more optimistic and not take notice of any “notorious” records of their rivals. Furthermore, mental strength in some team sports is very fundamental. For example, in SEA Games 2019, U22 Vietnam knocked out one of the strongest team in South-East Asia is U22 Indonesia in football despite their weakness in physical power In conclusion, in my opinion, every athletes who take part in any sports should balance both physical training and mental attitude to find out the most effective strategy to enhance their success.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is getting more and more popular.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
strength is necessary for victory in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, whereas other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
agility is more vital. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
various views, I
still
believe that athletes’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
demands for both two
physically
and mentally approaches.

Apparently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training takes up a lot in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
First
and foremost, if competitors have a
perfectly
-trained body shape, they might find it easy to defeat their opponents. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness is the main ingredient of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
base on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that most winners may spend their whole time on practicing their fitness.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as Boxing, participants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
receive more training will have more chance to win. There is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
quote which indicates that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
strength: “Practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
perfect”.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
attitudes are not without necessity in most successful matches. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, athletes those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
self-esteem push themselves for winning the match. They will feel more confident, more optimistic and not take notice of any “notorious” records of their rivals.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
strength in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fundamental.
For example
, in SEA Games 2019, U22 Vietnam knocked out one of the strongest team in South-East Asia is U22 Indonesia in football despite their weakness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
power

In conclusion
, in my opinion, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "athlete"?
athletes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should balance both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
attitude to find out the most effective strategy to enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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