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the government’s investment in arts, music and drama is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public health services instead. To what extend do you agree with this statement. v.3

the government’s investment in arts, music and drama is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public health services instead. v. 3
It is commonly believed that the regime should finance public services rather than investing in fields such as arts, music, and plays. Although I agreed that spending on healthcare is important but I do not think spending on the arts is a waste of money. To begin with, there are several reasons for allocating a significant amount of government budget on public services. First and foremost, public services such as hospitals and schools are things which determines what quality of that, most of us will have. To illustrate, if proper funds are not allocated for schools, our children may not get proper education and similarly if they do not established good healthcare systems in the country, the health of society may declines. Besides this, poverty-stricken people, will be affected severely as they cannot afford the healthcare services provided by private hospitals and institutes. Consequently, they are more dependent on basic services provided by state and central government. ​In spite of this, arts and dramas should not be neglected at the cost of basic healthcare. Firstly, it is really difficult for many arts institute to generate profits to run business successfully, so without some help from the administration in the form of grants and aids, many theatres and other such places may have to close forever. Furthermore, many people get pleasure in going to see music and theater performances to unwind their stress and work pressure, so it is really pivotal for the government to assist such art theaters so they can continue providing entertainment to the public. To conclude, there are clear advantages of large amount of investment goes into public services as this influence the quality of life for everyone, however, I do not think that allocating funds to the arts is a waste of resources as this to provide important benefits such as entertainment.
It is
commonly
believed that the regime should finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
rather
than investing in fields such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, music, and plays. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that spending on healthcare is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
spending on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a waste of money.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several reasons for allocating a significant amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
such as hospitals and schools are things which determines what quality of that, most of us will have. To illustrate, if proper funds are not allocated for schools, our children may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper education and
similarly
if they do not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "establish"?
established
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
healthcare systems in the country, the health of society may declines.
Besides
this, poverty-stricken
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
severely
as they cannot afford the healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
provided by private hospitals and institutes.
Consequently
, they are more dependent on basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
provided by state and central
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

​
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and dramas should not
be neglected
at the cost of basic healthcare.
Firstly
, it is
really
difficult for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
institute to generate profits to run business
successfully
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the administration in the form of grants and aids,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
and other such places may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
close forever.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
pleasure in going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
music and theater performances to unwind their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and work pressure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
really
pivotal for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to assist such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
theaters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can continue providing entertainment to the public.

To conclude
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
advantages of large amount of investment goes into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
as this influence the quality of life for everyone,
however
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that allocating funds to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a waste of resources as this to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefits such as entertainment.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay the government’s investment in arts, music and drama is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public health services instead. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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