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The government spends about £220 million a year supporting museums and galleries in the UK, and a similar amount subsiding the visual and performing arts. This is a huge sum to spend on minority interests and the money would be better spent on more important things. It should be up to the people who enjoy cultural attractions to pay for them. v.1

The government spends about £220 million a year supporting museums and galleries in the UK, and a similar amount subsiding the visual and performing arts. This is a huge sum to spend on minority interests and the money would be better spent on more important things. It should be up to the people who enjoy cultural attractions to pay for them. v. 1
The overwhelming budget for arts, museums and galleries is often criticised by a group of people and they advocate the need of this money on more pressing issues like hunger, poor health care, and terrorism. They also opine that people who have enthusiasm for such arts  should bear the expenses. I believe that arts and museums are part of the enlightened world and they reflect the identity of a country. Hence the spending by the government in arts is quite logical. To begin with, museums preserve the history and they have great educational values. They attract a huge number of foreign visitors and bring foreign currency for a country. For instance, the British Museum in London alone attracts more than 6. 8 million visitors annually and this brings a lot of foreigners in London as well. Furthermore, a large number of art galleries and theatres are the reason people find visiting the UK a unique experience. They would  not have been here if the UK did not have these attractions. On top of that, visual arts, performing arts and other art forms reflect the unique heritage and culture the United Kingdom has. They convey our strength, tell our history and preserve our culture. Human minds crave for arts and without arts, science would become too technical to the mass  people to enjoy. For instance, the incredible powers of computers do not only solve complex mathematical equations, but also create animations, graphics and other forms of arts for people to enjoy. In summary, people need arts as much as they need science. Only food cannot ensure better living as we need to get engages in creative activities and yield artworks. In my opinion, the works of Thomas Hudson are no less important than the works of any scientists. So the government's funding for different forms of arts and museums is totally justified.
The overwhelming budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and galleries is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
Possible spelling mistake. 'criticised' is British English.
criticised
by a group of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they advocate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of this money on more pressing issues like hunger, poor health care, and terrorism. They
also
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have enthusiasm for such arts
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
should bear the expenses. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are part of the enlightened
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
they reflect the identity of a country.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the spending by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is quite logical.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
preserve the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
history and
they have great educational values. They attract a huge number of foreign visitors and bring foreign currency for a country.
For instance
, the British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
in London alone attracts more than 6. 8 million visitors
annually
and this brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
foreigners in London
as well
.
Furthermore
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
are the reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find visiting the UK a unique experience. They would
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
not have been here if the UK did not have these attractions.
On top of that
, visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
forms reflect the unique heritage and culture the United Kingdom has. They convey our strength,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
our history and preserve our culture.

Human minds crave for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, science would become too technical to the mass
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enjoy.
For instance
, the incredible powers of computers do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solve complex mathematical equations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
create animations, graphics and other forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enjoy.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
as much as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
science.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
food cannot ensure better living as we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
engages in creative activities and yield artworks. In my opinion, the works of Thomas Hudson are no less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the works of any scientists.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's funding for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is
totally
justified.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay The government spends about £220 million a year supporting museums and galleries in the UK, and a similar amount subsiding the visual and performing arts. This is a huge sum to spend on minority interests and the money would be better spent on more important things. It should be up to the people who enjoy cultural attractions to pay for them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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