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Government investment in the visual arts, the kind you commonly see in art galleries, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.1

Government investment in the visual arts, the kind you commonly see in art galleries, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 1
These days, many governments spend their funds not only for public services but also for the arts. Even though it is essential to invest in the needs of the people, but I believe spending in visual wonders is not a bad idea. There are few pros in these also. This essay will discuss this issue by using a few key points to support my views. On the one hand, spending a significant amount of the government budget on public services is beneficial for society. Eg. Providing for basic amenities, such as hospitals, roads, and schools, helps to determine the quality of life that most citizens will have. For example, a recent survey by Education Today shows that countries that spend more on schools have a population that is higher in literacy, by 65%, compared to those that dedicate no money to Education. Therefore spending on public services is a worthwhile investment for a government. However, this does not mean that the visual arts should be neglected entirely. The visual arts also have an essential impact on our quality of life. For example, a recent study conducted by the World Health Organization concluded that individuals that regularly visit art galleries are cited as being 20% happier in life than people who do not. Seeing the health benefits that many people get from the visual arts, it is essential that the government assists such institutions so that they can continue to please the public. To sum up, although there are clear benefits of ensuring a large amount of investment goes into public services, I do not believe spending money on the arts is a waste of money as this too provides important benefits. In the future, governments should consider budgeting for both.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
spend their funds not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
Even though
it is essential to invest in the needs of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
in visual wonders is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. There are few pros in these
also
. This essay will discuss this issue by using a few key points to support my views.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
a significant amount of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
is beneficial for society.
The abbreviation "e.g." (= for example) requires two periods.
Eg.
Providing for basic amenities, such as hospitals, roads, and schools,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to determine the quality of life that most citizens will have.
For example
, a recent survey by Education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that countries that spend more on schools have a population
that is
higher in literacy, by 65%, compared to those that dedicate no money to Education.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
is a worthwhile investment for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

However
, this does not mean that the visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should
be neglected
entirely
. The visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
also
have an essential impact on our quality of life.
For example
, a recent study conducted by the World Health Organization concluded that individuals that
regularly
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries
are cited
as being 20% happier in life than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not. Seeing the health benefits that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from the visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, it is essential that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
assists such institutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
the public.

To sum up, although there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
benefits of ensuring a large amount of investment goes into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, I do not believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a waste of money as this too provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefits. In the future,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should consider budgeting for both.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Government investment in the visual arts, the kind you commonly see in art galleries, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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