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Some people believe that education is the key to tackling hunger worldwide, while others feel that the answer lies in food aid. v.1

Some people believe that education is the key to tackling hunger worldwide, while others feel that the answer lies in food aid. v. 1
Many individuals think that education helps to go through poverty and starvation around the world. However, there is an opposite view that food aid is the most important to deal with it. I firmly believe that both education and food aid are helpful in solving this problem. There is no doubt that education can help poor people become wealthier and be able to provide themselves, for example, buy groceries and pay bills. This happens because after school graduation teenagers are able to find only low payable jobs and most of them cannot cover their bills or buy enough food to survive. For this reason, many people go to University to study. Moreover, in the highly competitive business environment after completing degree most of the graduates can find better jobs with higher income rather than they were able to do after school. Also, there is no end of tertiary education as people can do a masters degree and the salary of those will increase gradually. All these examples are the sufficient evidence that education is a major source of obtaining wealthy lifestyle. To develop and progress as a nation, the citizens must be educated. The globalisation has made it possible to live and work in any country but to do so someone has to be educated and skilled. The migrated people also send a huge sum of revenue that helps the country to develop. Hence to alleviate the poverty and hunger, education is the key. In terms of fighting the hunger and poverty globally, education helps to make the people be skilled and more efficient. For instance, an educated farmer has far more potential to contribute to producing more crops than an uneducated farmer. The Same rule applies in all other sectors as well. The next point that needs to be taken into consideration is that food aid obviously helps to tackle starvation over the world because it is the first necessary thing to do when people are hungry. For example, there are places in Africa where individuals are dying from hunger because there is no food and job prospect there.   For this reason, food aid is vital in helping those and after that ensuring education and training could be helpful. Education is not achieved overnight and to educate a generation in a country needs a huge budget. On the contrary, people are dying from hunger and scarcity of food. Those people need immediate aid and the education could be a long term vision to make them self-reliant. To sum up, although some group of people argue education is the most crucial to deal with starvation and others believe that the food aid is the way to solve this issue, I would argue that the combination of both are required to support hungry people around the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to go through poverty and starvation around the world.
However
, there is an opposite view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to deal with it. I
firmly
believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
are helpful in solving this problem.

There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become wealthier and be able to provide themselves,
for example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
groceries and pay bills. This happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
after school graduation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are able to find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
low payable jobs and most of them cannot cover their bills or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to survive.
For this reason
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to University to study.
Moreover
, in the
highly
competitive business environment after completing degree most of the graduates can find better jobs with higher income
rather
than they were able to do after school.
Also
, there is no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do a
For an academic degree, use "master’s".
masters
degree and the salary of those will increase
gradually
. All these examples are the sufficient evidence that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a major source of obtaining wealthy lifestyle. To develop and progress as a nation, the citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be educated
. The
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
has made it possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and work in any country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
someone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be educated
and skilled. The migrated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a huge sum of revenue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the country to develop.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
to alleviate the poverty and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the key. In terms of fighting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
and poverty globally,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
be skilled
and more efficient.
For instance
, an educated farmer has far more potential to contribute to producing more crops than an uneducated farmer. The Same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
applies in all other sectors
as well
.

The
next
point that needs to
be taken
into consideration is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
obviously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to tackle starvation over the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the
first
necessary thing to do when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are hungry.
For example
, there are places in Africa where individuals are dying from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and job prospect there.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
is vital in helping those and after that ensuring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and training could be helpful.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is not achieved overnight and to educate a generation in a country needs a huge budget.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are dying from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
and scarcity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
could be a long term vision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them self-reliant.

To sum up, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the most crucial to deal with starvation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
is the way to solve this issue, I would argue that the combination of both
are required
to support hungry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that education is the key to tackling hunger worldwide, while others feel that the answer lies in food aid. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
467 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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