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Government investment in the visual arts, the kind you commonly see in art galleries, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.3

Government investment in the visual arts, the kind you commonly see in art galleries, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 3
These days, many local governments spend large portions of their budget not only on public services, but also on the visual arts. Although I agree that it is important to invest in local amenities, I do not think spending on the visual arts is a waste of money. This essay will discuss this issue using examples to support arguments and demonstrate points. On the one hand, spending a significant amount of the government budget on public services is beneficial for society. providing for basic amenities, such as hospitals, roads, and schools, helps to determine the quality of life that most citizens will have. For example, a recent survey by Education Today shows that countries that spend more on schools have a population that is higher in literacy, by 65%, compared to those that dedicate no money to education. Therefore it is apparent that spending on public services is a worthwhile investment for a government. However, this does not mean that the visual arts should be completely neglected. The visual arts also have an important impact on our quality of life. for example, a recent study conducted by the World Health Organization concluded that individuals that regularly visit art galleries are cited as being 20% happier in life than people who do not. Seeing the health benefits that many people get from the visual arts, it is important that the government assists such institutions so that they can continue to provide pleasure to the public. To sum up, although there are clear benefits of ensuring a large amount of investment goes into public services, I do not believe spending money on the arts is a waste of money as this too provides important benefits. In the future, governments should consider budgeting for both.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
spend large portions of their budget not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on the visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to invest in local amenities, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on the visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This essay will discuss this issue using examples to support arguments and demonstrate points.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
a significant amount of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
is beneficial for society.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
providing
for basic amenities, such as hospitals, roads, and schools,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to determine the quality of life that most citizens will have.
For example
, a recent survey by Education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that countries that spend more on schools have a population
that is
higher in literacy, by 65%, compared to those that dedicate no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to education.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
is a worthwhile investment for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

However
, this does not mean that the visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should be completely neglected. The visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
also
have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
impact on our quality of life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, a recent study conducted by the World Health Organization concluded that individuals that
regularly
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries
are cited
as being 20% happier in life than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not. Seeing the health benefits that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from the visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
assists such institutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can continue to provide pleasure to the public.

To sum up, although there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
benefits of ensuring a large amount of investment goes into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, I do not believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as this too provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
benefits. In the future,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should consider budgeting for both.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Government investment in the visual arts, the kind you commonly see in art galleries, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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