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As languages such as English, Spanish, and Mandarin become more widely spoken, there is a fear that many minority languages may die out. Some countries have taken steps to protect minority languages. What is your view of this practice? v.1

As languages such as English, Spanish, and Mandarin become more widely spoken, there is a fear that many minority languages may die out. Some countries have taken steps to protect minority languages. What is your view of this practice? v. 1
Traditional medicine is growing in popularity and many people are now using methods such as acupuncture and herbal medicines to maintain and strengthen their health. Many of those who have experienced traditional medicine believe that it is more effective than modern medicine. I completely disagree with this points Modern medicine has many advantages over traditional medicines. Firstly, modern medicine is fast and effective because drugs are designed to treat problems immediately. On the other hand, traditional medicine is slow and does not work very well. Medical research shows that headache would go away after an hour from using drugs, while it would take longer hours for patients to use herbal remedies. In addition, modern medicine is constantly being developed and improved, such as researching to find a cure for cancer, AIDS or other fatal diseases. However, traditional medicine only uses old knowledge and techniques to treat patients. Furthermore, it depends on natural ingredients like herbs and other plants that might disappear. Another important point is that modern medicine is strictly controlled by government to ensure high standards or quality. In Vietnam, for instance, becoming a doctor or pharmacist, he/she need to study at medical universities at least seven years, whereas, anyone also can open their own traditional medicine clinics. Recent media report that some herbal medicines are ineffective by causing a detrimental impact on individuals using it. To sum up, traditional medicine relies on natural ingredients and does not work for everyone, while modern medicine is fast, safe and constantly renovated. Thus, I believe that it is far better to maintain overall health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is growing in popularity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
using methods such as acupuncture and herbal medicines to maintain and strengthen their health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of those who have experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
believe that it is more effective than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
. I completely disagree with
Did you mean "these"?
this
points

Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
medicines.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and effective
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
drugs
are designed
to treat problems immediately.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is slow and does not work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. Medical research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that headache would go away after an hour from using drugs, while it would take longer hours for patients to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
herbal remedies.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is
constantly
being developed
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, such as researching to find a cure for cancer, AIDS or other fatal diseases.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
knowledge and techniques to treat patients.
Furthermore
, it depends on natural ingredients like herbs and other plants that might disappear.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is
strictly
controlled by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to ensure high standards or quality. In Vietnam,
for instance
, becoming a doctor or pharmacist, he/she need to study at medical universities at least seven years, whereas, anyone
also
can open their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
clinics. Recent media report that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
herbal medicines are ineffective by causing a detrimental impact on individuals using it.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
relies on natural ingredients and does not work for everyone, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, safe and
constantly
renovated.
Thus
, I believe that it is far better to maintain
overall
health.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay As languages such as English, Spanish, and Mandarin become more widely spoken, there is a fear that many minority languages may die out. Some countries have taken steps to protect minority languages. What is your view of this practice? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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