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Some people opine that entertainment or leisure activities should be subsidized by the government. v.1

Some people opine that entertainment or leisure activities should be subsidized by the government. v. 1
People nowadays suffer from work-related stress and the increasing competition and need for extra earning to support the family have already made their life quite nonchalant and hectic. Entertainment and leisure activities are important parts of our overall wellbeing and for a better lifestyle and increased productivity government should allocate budget to promote such activities. Firstly, it might seem quite logical that when a government already has the scarcity of budget for important sectors like education, healthcare, transportation, trade and agriculture how come extra money could be allocated for leisure and entertainment activities. But there is no denying the fact that entertainment and leisure activities have an immense effect on our physiological and psychological well-being. A small amount of money subsidized for entertainment can actually save a huge amount from health care sector. Thus subsiding budget for the amusement and leisure activities for people is actually a beneficial idea. Secondly, governments in most of the countries already subsidize a large amount of money for amusement and leisure activities of mass people. For instance, the parks, botanical and zoological gardens, public library, sports centre, swimming complexes, beaches etc we see around us are already financed by the government. From this regards, this is always a good idea for the government to provide facilities for leisure activities to its citizens. Thirdly, proper facilities of entertainment and free time activities are proven to be educative in many cases. For instance, libraries, museums and establishments like these are not only entertaining but also offer a huge opportunity to present educative information to the people. Again, the government can actually earn money from these facilities. For instance, beaches, sports centres, theatres and auditoriums could be great sources of earning for the government if they are properly utilised. Finally, it is proven that free-time activities and entertainment facilities decrease the crime rate in a locality. Thus investing in public activities would actually bring a huge benefit for the government and the country. To end the discussion, I quite agree that allocating budget for the leisure and enjoyment of people is quite a prudent idea and every government around the world should do that for the overall benefits of the country and the citizens.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
nowadays suffer from work-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and the increasing competition and need for extra earning to support the family have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
already
made their life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quite
nonchalant and hectic. Entertainment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
parts of our
overall
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
and for a better lifestyle and increased productivity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
to promote such activities.

Firstly
, it might seem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quite
logical that when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
already
has the scarcity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
sectors like education, healthcare, transportation, trade and agriculture how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could
be allocated
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
and entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there is no denying the fact that entertainment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have an immense effect on our physiological and psychological well-being. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
subsidized for entertainment can actually save a huge amount from health care sector.
Thus
subsiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
for the amusement and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
actually a beneficial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
in most of the countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
already
subsidize a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for amusement and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, the parks, botanical and zoological gardens, public library, sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, swimming complexes, beaches etc we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
around us are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
already
financed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. From
Did you mean "these"?
this
regards, this is always a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to provide facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to its citizens.
Thirdly
, proper facilities of entertainment and free time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are proven
to be educative in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases.
For instance
, libraries, museums and establishments like these are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
entertaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
offer a huge opportunity to present educative information to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Again, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can actually earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from these facilities.
For instance
, beaches, sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
and auditoriums could be great sources of earning for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
if they are
properly
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
.
Finally
, it
is proven
that free-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and entertainment facilities decrease the crime rate in a locality.
Thus
investing in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
would actually bring a huge benefit for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and the country.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
the discussion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that allocating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
and enjoyment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quite
a prudent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
around the world should do that for the
overall
benefits of the country and the citizens.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people opine that entertainment or leisure activities should be subsidized by the government. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
367 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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