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Many people like to wear fashionable clothes. Why do you think this is the case? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? v.9

Many people like to wear fashionable clothes. Why do you think this is the case? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? v. 9
It is true that wearing brand clothes has been becoming a usual habit in many communities. People are always encouraged by propagandas to purchase more fashion goods far more than in the past. I personally believe that the negative consequences of this lifestyle surpass its probable advantages. Obviously, citizens are continuously pushed to use more fashion because of two important reasons. The first one is the positive role of advertisement. Before, the only devices for advertising of a product were television and radio; however, now individuals are constantly exposed to a variety of commercials shown on the Internet, inducing them to buy more clothing being designed recently. In particular, as users are searching on Google, they unconsciously see different advertisements shown by different companies on the each side of the page. Therefore, they are tempted to watch the related page more and purchase shoes, shirts or other clothing. Another factor is that consumers have access to more variation of styles and brands than before. Obviously, competition between different international companies has led them to generate more different brands with specific logos. As a prime example, while only Adidas, Nike, Puma or Reebok were the leading sportswear by the year 1990, more different sports clothing have been allowed to be produced with different names after that time, like Columbia or Asics. As a result, users have more options to select their favourite clothes and change their interest based on the latest model. From my point of view, this way of living can and will have more drawbacks. The first reason behind it is that individuals may forget the quality. Clearly, considering which materials are used in a dress can be far important than its name. For instance, we may pay just over $100 for a Dolce & Gabbana shirt, which is almost five times we have to pay for a CHAPS one, whereas the quality and longevity of the latter could be far better than the former. In addition, the rate of consumerism has grown far considerably. Citizens are exposed to more fashion goods, causing them to spend more money on unnecessary items. In this case, some youth are used to wearing varied shoes instead of only one, but they cannot even afford their medical or dental expenditure. In conclusion, broadcasting and producing of more different merchandise are the two crucial factors why individuals prefer to use fashion. This has increased consumerism, and the quality of products has gradually been forgotten.
It is true that wearing brand clothes has been becoming a usual habit in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are always encouraged by
Possible spelling mistake found.
propagandas
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
more than in the past. I
personally
believe that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of this lifestyle surpass its probable advantages.

Obviously
, citizens are
continuously
pushed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons. The
first
one is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
role of advertisement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
devices for advertising of a product were television and radio;
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
individuals are
constantly
exposed to a variety of commercials shown on the Internet, inducing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more clothing
being designed
recently.
In particular
, as users are searching on Google, they
unconsciously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
advertisements shown by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
on
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "each" is left.
the each
side of the page.
Therefore
, they
are tempted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the related page more and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
shoes, shirts or other clothing. Another factor is that consumers have access to more variation of styles and brands than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Obviously
, competition between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
has led them to generate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
brands with specific logos. As a prime example, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Adidas, Nike, Puma or Reebok were the leading sportswear by the year 1990, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
sports clothing have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
be produced
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
names after that time, like Columbia or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Asics
.
As a result
, users have more options to select their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
clothes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their interest based on the latest model.

From my point of view, this way of living can and will have more drawbacks. The
first
reason behind it is that individuals may forget the quality.
Clearly
, considering which materials are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in a dress can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
Use "(important)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
important
than its name.
For instance
, we may pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over $100 for a Dolce & Gabbana shirt, which is almost five times we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for a CHAPS one, whereas the quality and longevity of the latter could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
better than the former.
In addition
, the rate of consumerism has grown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
considerably
. Citizens
are exposed
to more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, causing them to spend more money on unnecessary items.
In this case
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "youths"?
youth
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to wearing varied shoes
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they cannot even afford their medical or dental expenditure.

In conclusion
, broadcasting and producing of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
merchandise are the two crucial factors why individuals prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
. This has increased consumerism, and the quality of products has
gradually
been forgotten
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people like to wear fashionable clothes. Why do you think this is the case? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
410 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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