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The bar charts shows co2 emissions for different forms of transport in the European Union and European Union funds being spent on different forms of transportation. v.1

The bar charts shows co2 emissions for different forms of transport in the European Union and European Union funds being spent on different forms of transportation. v. 1
In the present situation where many people read news online, it has been a debatable issue whether newspapers will survive as the most essential source of news or not. I am not convinced with the opinion because traditional newspapers lead to a waste of woods and people do not trust them because of its corruption. The main reason why I believe that newspapers will be useless is because publishing daily newspapers is wasting valuable forests. The environmental issue is increasingly serious nowadays; deforestations of vast rain forests in Amazon led to the increase of carbon dioxide emission, and it also led to a rise of sea level, the drought in East Asia. Therefore, many people started to perceive the importance of preserving earth clean and safe. Furthermore, almost all people use mobile phones in many countries to check a daily news every day. In this situation, producing newspapers is an obsolete trend. Another reason why I support the notion that newspapers will disappear is that they have been used as a tool by people with power and money in history. From WWII, when the Nazis controlled German citizens with their detrimental propaganda, to the most recent case, when Chinese authorities hid the actual number of spreading COVID-19, the conventional media, especially newspapers, was manipulated by governments. Consequently, people are highly dependant on SNS or the Internet, such as Twitter and YouTube in recent days. In conclusion, I contend that newspapers will lose its influence in the near future because the environmental issue is a worldwide trend and people are unlikely to believe newspapers due to their corruption. Given this situation, it seems that people should have a keen sight to differentiate true and false when they get new information from any source.
In the present situation where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
online, it has been a debatable issue whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
will survive as the most essential source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
or not. I am not convinced with the opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
lead to a waste of woods and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not trust them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its corruption.

The main reason why I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
will be useless is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
publishing daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
is wasting valuable forests. The environmental issue is
increasingly
serious nowadays;
Possible spelling mistake found.
deforestations
of vast rain forests
The usual collocation for "Amazon" is "on". Did you mean "on Amazon"?
in Amazon
led to the increase of carbon dioxide emission, and it
also
led to a rise of sea level, the drought in East Asia.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to perceive the importance of preserving earth clean and safe.
Furthermore
, almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile phones in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
a daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
every day. In this situation, producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
is an obsolete trend.

Another reason why I support the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
will disappear is that they have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a tool by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with power and money in history. From WWII, when the Nazis controlled German citizens with their detrimental propaganda, to the most recent case, when Chinese authorities hid the actual number of spreading COVID-19, the conventional media,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
,
was manipulated
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
highly
Did you mean "dependent" on?
dependant
on SNS or the Internet, such as Twitter and YouTube in recent days.

In conclusion
, I contend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
will lose its influence in the near future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the environmental issue is a worldwide trend and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unlikely to believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
due to their corruption.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have a keen sight to differentiate true and false when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
information from any source.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay The bar charts shows co2 emissions for different forms of transport in the European Union and European Union funds being spent on different forms of transportation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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