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more and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on endangered list. what are the reasons? What can be done? v.1

more and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on endangered list. what are the reasons? What can be done? v. 1
Nowadays many wild species are facing the threat of going extinct due to excessive hunting and human damage to their habitats. There are several measures which can be taken both by governments and individuals to tackle this issue. First of all, over-hunting and poaching have caused a significant decline in the number of wild animals in the ecosystem. Many reckless people are killing them, not as an act of self-defence but as a pastime. For example, many wealthy hunters are spending thousands of pounds on travelling to Africa and shoot wild animals in safaris. One solution to tackle this issue is to educate people on not to take part in illegal hunting since it has detrimental effects on wildlife. What is more, governments can implement rules for hunting and also have close observation of the hunters to check if they obey the rules. If these steps are not taken, many endangered species can go extinct, and the loss of biodiversity might be inevitable. Another reason for animals to be in danger of extinction is that many habitats are deforested by governments so as to build more houses for the rising population in their countries. As the number of people in the world inclining, nations are trying to create more space for people to settle down. If governments cannot stop cutting down the trees near large city centres, they should build national parks and breeding farms in outer regions of the country. By doing this, not only will they have a place for citizens to live in, but also they will protect animals from dying off. Take China as a prime example, when the Chinese civil servants had noticed that pandas were on the edge of elimination by the public, they ordered instruction of special farms so they can rapidly increase the number of pandas by some special breeding techniques. In conclusion, hunting in large quantities and destroying the habitats of animals are causing some species to fade away. However, when governments and individuals of society take some steps, they can reverse this trend.
Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wild species are facing the threat of going extinct due to excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
and human damage to their habitats. There are several measures which can
be taken
both by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and individuals to tackle this issue.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, over-hunting and poaching have caused a significant decline in the number of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in the ecosystem.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
reckless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are killing them, not as an act of
Possible spelling mistake. 'self-defence' is British English.
self-defence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as a pastime.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wealthy hunters are spending thousands of pounds on travelling to Africa and shoot wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in safaris. One solution to tackle this issue is to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
since it has detrimental effects on wildlife.
What is more
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can implement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
and
also
have close observation of the hunters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
if they obey the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. If these steps are not taken,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
endangered species can go extinct, and the loss of biodiversity might be inevitable.

Another reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of extinction is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
habitats
are deforested
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
build more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
for the rising population in their countries. As the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world inclining, nations are trying to create more space for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to settle down. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
cutting down the trees near large city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, they should build national parks and breeding farms in outer regions of the country. By doing this, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will they have a place for citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they will protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from dying off. Take China as a prime example, when the Chinese civil servants had noticed that pandas were on the edge of elimination by the public, they ordered instruction of special farms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
rapidly
increase the number of pandas by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special breeding techniques.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
in large quantities and destroying the habitats of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
species to fade away.
However
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and individuals of society take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps, they can reverse this trend.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay more and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on endangered list. what are the reasons? What can be done? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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